Heavily Broken
by AsianBatgirlCass
Summary: "Don't you feel anything anymore?" Finn's harsh accusation echoed out in the darkness. "No I feel nothing." Maybe one day she'll believe it because it hurts to believe otherwise. Starts off before 3x01 but follows most of what happens in season 3
1. Quinncapable of Feelings

Greetings once again readers! Didn't think I'd get this out the same day but I just started writing and I couldn't stop. There is just so much for Quinn that hasn't been said. Anyways this will be posted twice. As it is in the same world as This Was Supposed to be Our Year this is going to be an interlude chapter for that fic. I'm also posting this as a stand-alone story. I might have it run parallel to my other fic but I'll most likely just combine the two. But this particular chapter was just inspiring to write. Getting into Quinn's head for the last hour or so was really angsty but I couldn't stop writing it.

The usual disclaimer applies: "I don't own anything that pertains to Fox's Glee"

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><p>This Was Supposed to Be Our Year<p>

Quinnterlude:

Part 1 - Quinncapable of Feeling

_I'm heavily broken and I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking and I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say what can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken… and I don't know what to do_

- "Heavily Broken" - The Veronicas

Quinn was well aware of the stares she received, the blatantly open gawking and double takes. Her apathetic demeanour didn't show the mental smirk at the shock and scandal her new look has brought to the halls of McKinley High. After all this was a new year. And with a new year came a new Quinn.

She felt freer than she had in a long time

No more living up to Daddy's expectations. He was a bastard and he was gone now. Russell Fabray's tyrannical self-righteous presence didn't shadow her or her family's home anymore; Quinn didn't know why it took so long to realize that. He hadn't even lived there for well over a year. She stopped believing that living up to his "moral code" would bring any sense of normalcy back into her life. Being on the Cheerios and going back to the Celibacy Club didn't make her Daddy's little girl again. Hell Daddy didn't even like her before the nose job. Before she became Quinn Fabray.

Passing by her former glee club members, each looking at her in awe and disbelief, she looked straight head, not sparing them a single glance of acknowledgement.

No more worrying about this picture perfect princess image. Thanks to that bitch Zizes, the whole school now knows that before the invincible and beautiful Quinn Fabray, HBIC, there was plain old Lucy Caboosey; the girl who hated herself so much that she utterly destroyed that person in order to start again. Of course Lauren's big campaign backfired; it blew over and half the school still believes it's a bad photoshop job but the revelation served its purpose. People had that picture of Lucy in their minds when they saw Quinn now. Everybody who found out the truth in glee now saw that weak little girl who took all the wrong roads just to feel loved.

Quinn took out a sharpie, the photo of Figgans outside his office being the latest victim to her new illegal hobby.

No more trying so hard for the perfect quarterback boyfriend. Sam, Puck and Finn all made it clear that she was definitely not girlfriend material. They ran from her the first chance they got. Finn even left her twice for Rachel. That cut her more deeply then she'll ever admit.

"_We're not going to Color-me-mine. And I'm not your boyfriend"_

Quinn took out a cigarette, holding it out expectantly as one of her fellow Skanks pulled out a lighter for her. Once it was lit, she inhaled.

"_That feeling that Sue was talking about in there about being tethered to someone? I just... I don't feel that way about you."_

She exhaled, watching the smoke rise in front of her.

"_Don't you FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE?"_

Dwelling on those memories didn't do anything for her anymore. Quinn remembered crying when Finn said that to her. She distinctly remembered locking herself in her room and bawling until she had no more tears left to cry. She scoffed at how pathetic she was. She didn't need to be fucking tethered to anybody. She was done with that.

When the Skanks got bored and suggested that they find some poor sap to beat the shit out of for money, Quinn joined in without a second thought. Finn was right. She didn't feel anything. Why should she pretend that she did?

She failed everything she set out to do the previous year. Everything she did was to try to get a semblance of who she was before Be- before they lost Regionals over a year ago. After the glee club was left with 12th place at nationals and they all returned to Lima, Quinn kept asking herself "What's the point of trying anymore?"

All the life lessons Mr. Schuester spat out hadn't helped her at all and she was left with nothing. Again.

The girl that was once Lucy Fabray; she was miserable in her own skin, unconfident and unpretty, always feeling the void of popularity and friendship. That pathetic excuse of a girl ultimately gave up being herself, in order to become Quinn Fabray, the head cheerleader and the envy of everybody who saw her. She had the perfect life, best friends who actually hung out with her and didn't mock her, parents who took pride in everything she did, a quarterback boyfriend who followed her every command. And yet it managed to all fall apart. No matter what she did, the people in her life left her. She had a ba- No she was pregnant. she overcame that hill and never looked back.

She came so far, Quinn thought to herself as she finally got home way past the curfew her mom set out for her. Judy Fabray was nowhere to be seen, fearful of her daughter's new appearance but even more frightened of confronting it. Typical.

She looked at herself in the mirror, observing the changes in her hair and the new tattoo. She willed her eyes to stay away from the stretch marks that still scarred her body. She came so far… so why did she still feel so empty?

"_Don't you feel anything anymore?"_

Finn's harsh accusation echoed out in the silence like that new annoying summer pop song on the radio. She just couldn't get it out of her head. Surrounded by the lonely shadows in her room, Quinn stared up at her ceiling, the old glow-in-the-dark stars her daddy put up when she was younger still shone brightly back at her. They were annoyingly bright, she thought, too bright for her.

"No, I don't feel anything." She kept repeating eyes tightly closed as if it were a mantra or prayer. Opening her eyes once again, the stars mocked her with their luminous beauty, the hopeful light burned through to her soul. Quinn pulled her blanket over her head to hide.

"I feel nothing"

She hopes one day she will believe it, because it just hurts to believe otherwise.


	2. Your Eyes

Hola readers! As always I'd like to thank you guys for the reviews, story alert subscriptions and favorites. I would like to stress that my two stories "This Was Supposed to be Our Year" and "Heavily Broken" take place in _**the same universe**_. They run almost parallel to each other. Obviously I have more on the Brittana side (only because there's more material there so far).

"This Was Supposed to be Our Year" is going to be updated with some chapters from "Heavily Broken." But I'll try to update that story with actual chapters along with the Quinnterludes or Rachel Berry Show episodes at the same time. (Why I make things so complicated for myself? I'll never know) I just wish had four characters to categorize and not just two. These stories focus on Brittana and Faberry and their growth in season 3.

Anyways by now (if you've read both stories) you should notice that Santana, Quinn and Rachel (Brittany will show up soon) each have their own theme to chapters. The chapter titles and content for Santana are snarky, bitchy and vulgar, Quinn's have song titles and begin with song lyrics (often depressing ones). Rachel's chapters are quite verbose and begin with Musical song titles or with lyrics/dialogue from musicals.

I've tried to let each character have a voice even though it's in a 3rd person perspective (a writing exercise for me) but I fear it may be a little too much for me to undertake, sometimes I can't really tell the difference.

Reviews and constructive criticism are gladly welcome so tell me what you guys think of the fic so far! Also like with the show, please don't take the narration as a reflection of what I believe/think/feel about various issues. I think Rachel and especially Santana's thoughts are going to continue to be offensive and/or obnoxious and they refuse to censor themselves or play nice just because I'm writing about them now…

I highly doubt you guys care (seeing as this is categorized as Faberry) but there is Finn and Finchel bashing in this chapter so just putting that out as a warning.

**I don't own any of the characters on Glee, nor do I claim any ownership over the show itself. Just a poor university student who often prefers fandom over RIB's world of glee. Don't sue me please!**

The Rachel Berry Show:

Act 1: Scene 1

Your Eyes

_Your eyes  
>As we said our goodbyes<br>Can't get them out of my mind  
>And I find I can't hide from your eyes<br>The ones that took me by surprise  
>The night you came into my life<br>Where there's moonlight  
>I see your eyes<em>

_- "Your Eyes" from Jonathan Larson's __RENT_

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><p>This was it, Rachel mentally cheered as crossed another date on her calendar marking another day closer to the start of the school year. Her senior year at McKinley High was about to begin. After she survives the upcoming months, the horrible experiences would just be a long forgotten, but wonderfully angst-filled and inspiring chapter in her future best-selling autobiography entitled <em>A Berry Among the Stars: the Rachel Berry Story.<em> But every story has to start somewhere and this new chapter was the beginning of the rest of her life. She just had this feeling. Her sixth sense kicking in overdrive as the summer was coming to an end.

The tiny girl with big dreams reflected back to the previous years and how she faced innumerable hardships and heartbreaks. She saw the darkest parts of herself as well as the deepest most cutting aspects to her personality. She had the highest of highs and was forced into the depths of despair but she refused to be anything but an unstoppable force.

Fortunately those days were long over and she had spent the best summer of her life with a boy she really, truly loved. Really. Indeed she definitely loved the ridiculously tall boy who was now faithfully hers. He was perfect…

They spent most of their summer together walking around Lima and talking, well, Rachel thought, she did most of the talking and Finn just listened. Most of the time she'd catch him just staring off and she knew his mind was somewhere else. But that was okay because he loved her and she was well aware that her verbose speech patterns were exhausting to others. She was working on that.

Finn had also taken her out on dates at various diners and breakfast places. Of course the young vegan didn't really have much of a selection in those small town meat-filled holes other than the house salad (if she were even that lucky). Subtle glares seemed to have no effect on the tall boy and his suggestions mainly consisted of "Hey babe, the pancakes are _awesome _here. You can have pancakes right?"

She stopped the educational speeches in which she explained that the pancakes there did indeed have eggs in them because the poor boy would always look so lost after a minute or two. Besides, Finn loved burgers and bacon so it was okay that he forgot because he would be happier there than at the latest Thai restaurant with vegan options or at the International Bar of Salads. At least he was happy right?

They also seemed to spend a lot of time at Burt's garage while Finn quickly applied himself to learning the ins and outs of the family business. Rachel was impressed with his automobile prowess and it melted her heart when she found out he was working there to help ease the workload for his weakened step-father. She forced herself to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her mind that noticed how comfortable he was at the garage. No, Rachel would be supportive because the simple fact was that she loved Finn. She did. She really, really did. Really.

That summer, Rachel also managed to spend time with her friends. Well she actually had friends who voluntarily spent time with her this year. Because she was always at Finn's she got to hangout with Kurt many times and by extension, Blaine. The fact that Rachel and Kurt put their own egos aside for friendship while he was at Dalton was an amazing feat in itself; the true miracle was their ability to keep it going when he transferred back. Hummelberry was verily a force to be reckoned with and they spent their time together meticulously planning their New York takeover.

Poor Blaine was forced to endure the seemingly endless PowerPoint presentations, white board diagrams and fashion outlines (Finn conveniently scheduling "guy time" with Puck and Mike those days) but he didn't seem to mind. He just loved spending time with his boyfriend. Rachel often saw the love-struck expression on the Warbler's face when Kurt went on about New York and Broadway and when Blaine would enthusiastically participate in the conversation she couldn't help but think that she would have more common interests to converse with her partner if she was a gay man. But no she wasn't alone. She had Finn and he was great, she had actual real friends too. She wasn't alone.

Through Kurt, and to a lesser extent Finn, Rachel had been able to encounter various other members of the New Directions. Being the club's gossip vulture, he made it a point to run into everybody, often bringing Rachel along to save her from enduring Call of Duty marathons with Finn. She even managed to survive a meeting with Santana and Brittany, but she sure that was because the blonde was there as a buffer. Although the small brunette had spent some time with Mercedes and Tina in the past, it seemed like they were finally becoming true friends and comrades. When Tina returned from Asian Camp, they had many sleepovers with and without Kurt and enjoyed several karaoke sessions that ended up being friendly competitions instead of ferocious diva-offs.

Yes, overall the summer has been the best in her high school career but Rachel couldn't ignore the feeling that something was missing. She was both anal retentive and obsessive compulsive and that caused her to review her many lists countless times to make sure she didn't forget anything. Though she didn't find anything missing in her planner, she felt the void fill up a little when Finn mentioned Quinn two weeks before the summer ended.

It was then that she realized that she hadn't seen the blonde all summer. With that revelation came a stream of endless questions about Quinn. How was she? What did she do during the summer? Did she go anywhere? Did she see her sister Frannie or her Dad? Was she with her mother looking at colleges? Did she spend time with Brittany and Santana? Was she enjoying the summer off before senior year? Were her eyes still so sad? Could Rachel do anything to make her eyes smile again?

She didn't know why she felt such a pull towards the other girl. Quinn Fabray has been more than a little bipolar in her attitude whenever they conversed. Rachel always thought that it was her own obsessive-compulsiveness that kept her from giving up on trying to be Quinn's friend. She always thought they had the potential to be a real life Glinda and Elphaba, not that she'll ever tell Kurt this because she knew he had his heart set on being the Kurtlinda to Rachel's ElphaBerry. Still, ignoring the Sapphic undertones many saw in that relati- friendship, Rachel always felt that she and Quinn fit those roles better. Maybe she can somehow convince the blonde girl to sing "What Is This Feeling?" with her this year…

Unfortunately whatever closeness Quinn and Rachel shared at prom was brushed away in their fight for Fiyer- Finn. When he broke up with the blonde, the tension between them grew to astounding levels. The tall boy mentioned that Quinn was a little scarier than usual but Rachel was almost used to the heated glares in her direction… almost. The glares in her direction did inspire fear but they did draw up another, more intense feeling she couldn't understand.

Their trip to New York still confused Rachel. After Quinn pointed out that she had purchased old tickets to a musical that wasn't even on Broadway from a homeless con man who swiped credit cards through his butt crack; she wouldn't let Rachel go anywhere alone. Rachel tried to question the blonde girl but as soon as she did, she was treated to a rather intense glower and was promptly ignored for the remainder of the trip. Rachel had a strong suspicion that although Quinn didn't speak directly to her, she was still responsible for Rachel never being left alone during the rest of their stay in the Big Apple.

With that befuddling and random act of kindness on Rachel's brain, she greatly regretted forgetting about Quinn for most of the summer, but even Kurt admitted that the girl was MIA the last couple of months. Coming from Kurt the former head cheerleader might as well be on the Missing Person's List. Rachel checked that just to be on the safe side.

She tried asking Finn if he heard about his ex-girlfriend's whereabouts but he had shrugged it off. "I don't know Rach, I haven't really talked to her since we broke up." The boy's face then scrunched up like he was confused, or he ate something that wasn't digesting quite right. "Wait is this a test? Cos' seriously Rachel I haven't seen her all summer."

Trying to convince Finn that she was just genuinely worried that nobody's seen or heard from Quinn all summer was quite the task. Of course anybody else she interrogated were just as skeptical. Out of sheer frustration Rachel excused her concern as a glee club issue. She could count down the seconds it took for people to finally "get it" and the different variations of "Ohhhh now that makes sense," really grated the brunette. Her concern for the blonde had Rachel thinking that she herself was suicidal at one point in her search because she even tried to consult Santana. Fortunately for her health, the former cheerleader had disappeared for half of the summer, probably to make sure Brittany wasn't lost in a sewer again.

It wasn't until a week before the start of the term that Rachel saw the vexing blonde again. Well she wasn't really blonde anymore but she had somehow become even more vexing than she already was. The tiny brunette sat on the chair near her vanity looking at the pictures of the "Fabrayic Nose" incident that were piled in front of her mirror as she recalled her first encounter with Skank-Quinn a couple of days ago.

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><p>Rachel's summer workout schedule allowed her to take a break from the elliptical machine so she could enjoy the nice weather while getting some exercise. She didn't usually change her routine but early on in the summer she decided she needed to be more spontaneous. Taking different routes when she was jogging did count as being spontaneous okay?<p>

This particular route led her to the edges of Lima Heights Adjacent an area she avoided since their return from New York because she feared that Santana would quite literally cut her. While the area wasn't necessarily ghetto-esque, it did consist of many of the richer minority families in Lima. The result was a bunch of rich 2nd generation minority kids who pretended to be tough or "gangster" just because they felt they had something to prove in Lima. Santana was a prime example of that. Rachel was aware that Michael Chang Jr. and his parents also resided in the neighborhood because Tina would always talk about him whenever they hung out. Of course Michael was a lot more civilized then most of the kids that came from LHA, but then again Rachel didn't even recall him ever talking before last year.

Stopping her run to change a song on her iPod, Rachel noticed a group of young girls her age near a convenience store. The tiny brunette was unimpressed, scoffing at their messy rebellious appearances and wondered if soap was ever on their list of priorities. Not likely from what she saw. She observed them for a bit at a safe distance and noticed that most of the girls were students at McKinley High, a gang of Runaway-like girls who called themselves the Skanks.

Rachel saw Sheila Dawnes who shared a PE class with her once. She recalled that the girl's father was the Dean at the local college where her own Dad, Hiram, was teaching a course. She also recognized Veronica Vasquez from AP English sophomore year; her parents own a local fruit juice production company and also resided in LHA.

Mackenzie "The Mack" Nicoletti had transferred from Brooklyn with the newly divorced Dr. Nicoletti a couple of years ago and Rachel was excited to see an actual New Yorker in their midst. Unfortunately Mackenzie shared none of the enthusiasm with her when they had met and suffice to say, Rachel feared her even more than she did Santana. While the Latina had threatened physical violence, they were mostly just vocal threats; Mackenzie on the other hand had actually pulled out a plastic knife when Rachel offered the girl her famous "Welcome to Lima" cookies. The notorious "Mack" even had more of a promiscuous reputation than the brunette cheerleader. The rumours of her sexual relations with truckers on the outskirts of Lima were frequently covered on Jacob Ben Israel's blog and circled the halls of McKinley at least once a month.

A pink-haired girl with a cigarette hanging from the side of her mouth stood beside Mackenzie and seemed achingly familiar to Rachel. The familiarity was bothering her so she broke her "safe distance" rule to get a closer look. The girl in question seemed to feel the gaze and turned in the smaller girl's direction. The cigarette dropped from her mouth when their eyes met and Rachel was left speechless. _Speechless_.

"Berry?"

No… It couldn't be. But there was no mistaking that utterly unique voice of hers. The new look seemed to attract a new persona as the familiar voice was lower now, almost a growl. It sent a shiver up Rachel's spine. What happened to the warm colored cardigans and sinfully sweet dresses? Where were her beautifully golden locks of hair? What happened to _her_ Quinn? Her thoughts amended the statement almost as soon as they appeared. What happened to the Quinn she knew?

"Q-Qu-_Quinn_?"

The girl in question gave a side nod to the other girls and they walked into the store, but not before giving terrifying glares in Rachel's direction. Rachel barely acknowledged their departure or the convenience store clerk's look of pure terror when they entered the store; she was still too stunned at the new Quinn before her. It was the newest addition to the Skanks that broke the intense staring contest and turned to discard her cigarette. Her entire demeanor seemed so devoid of emotion to Rachel and it broke her heart a little.

"Never thought I'd see _you_ on the wrong side of the tracks Berry." Quinn drawled out huskily while crossing her arms and slouching back against the wall. "What brings you to Lima Heights Adjacent?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Please Quinn, Lima Heights is just about as 'gangsta' as you are." She pulled out air quotations because she would never utter the word gangsta otherwise unless it was a lyric in a song for glee. "I mean your neighborhood is down the street. This is _hardly_ the wrong side of the tracks."

The former blonde cheerleader seemed unimpressed by Rachel's accurate description of the middle-high class area, responding only with a shift in her slouch and her infamous eyebrow raise. This gave her some hope in seeing the old Quinn again. She wondered how even with a nose ring, pink hair and a ripped plaid shirt, Quinn could still manage to look so ethereal and pretty? Her brow rose even higher and Rachel blushed when she realized she had been caught blatantly staring at the girl for longer than what was socially accepted as normal.

"Uh, I-I like your new look," Rachel finally stuttered out. The other girl scoffed a little, rolling her deep hazel eyes. Rachel gulped and continued her ramble, internally wincing as her involuntary stutter began to rival Tina's fake one. "N-no really it's very, um it's very different a-a-and pink! Well you know I adore the color pink it's actually my favourite color and I admit that you wear the color very, very well. It's just; well I didn't even recognize you until, well u-until… " She trailed off not being able to continue her thought process. _I didn't even recognize you_ _until I saw your eyes. _

Rachel thought she saw a flicker of a smirk grace Quinn's face as she rambled on about her new appearance but it disappeared before she was certain and dismissed it as hopefulness on her part. They stood awkwardly for another minute or two before she reluctantly decided it was time to continue her run.

"I guess I'll see you in glee Quinn?" the shorter girl asked, sounding both small and hopeful.

The girl in question seemed hesitant before she huffed and looked straight into Rachel's eyes. "I'm not going back to glee Rachel." She broke the eye contact again to pull out another cigarette.

Streisand, LuPone and Minnelli! What did she just say? No, no, no, no. This wasn't happening. How was she ever going to get her to be the Quinnlinda to her Elphaberry? How would they be able to sing "What is This Feeling?" How was she going to be able to see those expressive eyes sparkle with light every time they perform if those eyes wasn't going to be there? Stupefied with shock, Rachel had to look into those eyes to see if she were serious.

_Heavy Sadness. _

_Gaping Emptiness. _

_Paralyzing Fear. _

_Sheer Hopelessness. _

_Utter Self-Hatred_.

As soon as the girls caught each others gazes once more, Rachel had seen all of it and the sight both frightened and reassured her at the same time.

She pulled out her iPod and started browsing through to pick the perfect song to accompany the rest of her jog home. Rachel glanced up from the screen to smile widely at the other girl, noting by the perplexed expression that graced her face that the action confused the taller girl.

"I'll see you in glee Quinn." She repeated, making it sound more like a statement of fact rather than the question it was before.

The former Cheerio glanced around to see if the Skanks were still occupied in the store. Seeing that that they were huddled around the frightened clerk not looking in Quinn's direction, she dropped her walls a little.

"How can you be so sure Rachel?" The question was so low, raw and vulnerable, that the tiny brunette wasn't sure if she was dreaming she said it. For what it seemed like the hundredth time in their encounter their eyes met once again, being pulled together like a magnet.

The answer was simple for Rachel. Finally choosing a song she pressed play on her iPod.

"Your eyes," she replied, "I can see it in your eyes."

Rachel enjoyed leaving on such an understated dramatic note and without glancing back, listened to second half of the _RENT _soundtrack on her jog back home.

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><p>The sheer intensity of her chance meeting with Quinn made Rachel think that their whole dynamic deserved a whole chapter to itself in her memoir. Since that day she fixed her jogging route to pass by the convenience store at the edge of Lima Heights Adjacent as often as possible.<p>

She got to see the Skanks most of the time either lounging outside smoking or terrorizing the poor clerk inside. Sometimes she would see an older male who looked like he was in his forties with a skateboard. He was almost always flirting with Quinn so Rachel assumed that this was her newest boyfriend or fling. The former head cheerleader was aware of the brunette's new favorite jogging route, Rachel knew this because she could feel her heat-filled gaze on her every time she passed by.

There was one more difference in her appearance after their initial encounter that disappointed her.

Whenever she jogged by to see her, Quinn was always wearing sunglasses.

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><p>Wow Rachel really has so much to say... I didn't initially plan to have Quinn in here so much but I decided that since the next chapter is more about Quinn I'd rather their stories start to mesh together more. So next time we'll see a little bit of Quinn's reaction to her meeting Rachel, the start of school and her meeting up with Santana and Brittany.<p> 


	3. Quinnventing Shadows

_**Greetings Readers! Sorry for the delay! Busy week and the long weekend left little time for writing. To be honest I was kind of worried that I lost my inspiration. But no, Quinn's angsty summer was begging to be written. **_

_**So the beginning of the chapter leaves off right after Rachel's chapter and then flashes back to the beginning of the Quinn's summer. Confusing? Yeah it was confusing to me too but hopefully it does provide a good reason for Quinn to be so messed up this season. **_

_*****dialogue that is in all **italics** is directly from the show I do not claim to have written them myself***  
><strong>_

Quinnterlude Part 2:

Quinnventing Shadows?

_You're so distant  
>So cold, so resistant<br>_

_You see the world in only grey and black  
>Now how could anybody live like that<br>Without screaming  
>Without dying for dreaming<br>_

_And you stare out the window at the passing cars  
>And you look at the sky, thank your unlucky stars<br>No you're never quite happy right where you are  
><em>

_So you keep on  
>Inventing shadows<br>Where there are none_

_No there are none_

- "Inventing Shadows" written and performed by Dia Frampton

Seeing Rachel Berry out of all people during the summer was not a part of the plan, Quinn thought as she stared up at the starry ceiling in her room. Why the hell did it have to be _Berry_? Hanging out with the Skanks on the border of Lima Heights, she always thought Santana or even Mike would find her first, but Berry? How could one tiny girl constantly get under her skin? For years that girl had been able to look at Quinn and see past all of her walls and bitchy defences. Despite the taunts, the slushee facials and the slightly graphic pornographic drawings in bathroom stalls; Rachel always reached out to the former Cheerio. They were never close friends or even civil to each other most of the time and yet Rachel was the one person to ever try and succeed to really _see _Quinn.

"_Your eyes, I can see it in your eyes."_

Quinn didn't sleep at all with _her_ voice haunting her mind. She wasn't going back to New Directions. She didn't want to sing and dance her feelings away anymore. She didn't want her friends' judgements or their pity. Or Rachel seeing into her soul. No she definitely didn't want or need that. She didn't want to care about anything anymore. Quinn didn't want to see the person Rachel sees.

She just wanted to be left alone.

Everybody left her anyways.

Quinn spent the rest of the week before school with her fellow Skanks and with their help she got herself a new pair of sunglasses. Sheila, Ronnie and Mack were great. They never asked questions about their newest member. They welcomed her with open booze and lighters for her cigarettes, no judgements, no reminders of past relationships; she didn't fail anything because there were no expectations, high or low. Like when her Dad expected her to look like and be the perfect daughter, or when her mom wanted her to be Prom Queen so badly, or how Finn expected their renewed relationship would just fix everything again. To make it like the previous year never happened. To make it like… _she _didn't happen.

She took another sip of her beer, trying to forget that particular line of thought. The Skanks were once again in front of the convenience store, waiting for Mack's stoner uncle to come back out with the goods. Paul was Dr. Nicoletti's younger mooch of a brother. He came to spend the summer with his favourite niece and his successful Dr. "Bro". The forty-year-old skateboarder was a total loser and a pervy old man but he was a stupid one at that. One flirtatious glance and the sucker would do anything for Quinn.

'_It's all about the teasing and not about the pleasing'_

The newly inducted Skank would have giggled if she weren't in the company of people who only knew this Quinn. She reminded herself that she wasn't that girl anymore. Celibacy club lessons don't apply to her. They haven't since the middle of sophomore year. Pervy Paul came back with their cigarettes and Quinn kept him at a safe molest-free zone. She was old enough to get her own pack but since she changed her look, clerks didn't believe it was really her face on her driver's license.

Just as he came back, the former cheerleader spotted the annoyingly familiar presence of Rachel Berry. She turned to get a better look and saw that the brunette was staring right back. The new sunglasses' purpose was to put up another wall to surround the invincible and unfeeling Fort Quinn. As Rachel jogged, Quinn could tell that her new source of defense might as well have been a wall made of twigs under a magnifying glass under the brightness of Rachel's soul-seeing eyes. She was burning and she couldn't take it anymore.

There was too much hope in Rachel, and the former cheerleader, celibacy club president, perfect daughter and unprepared mother (take your pick), did not deserve one ounce of that optimism.

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><p>Quinn left the company of her fellow Skanks (and Pervy Paul) right after Berry jogged past them. It was still really early but Rachel's stare invoked too much… too much of something in the former blonde. She needed time alone to process whatever it was that Rachel and their weird connection brought out. She got home just in time to hear the phone ring its last ring before going to voice-mail. The message being left on the machine echoed out to the hall and the voice made Quinn stop cold in her rush up the stairs.<p>

"_Hey mom! And Quinn if you're listening I guess… Anyways I just wanted to check in on you! We haven't really talked since we saw each other in Boston-"_

A baby's gurgle interrupted Frannie Thompson's message and Quinn could hear her nephew's giggles in the background. It hit her like a slushee to the face, only worse because she knew a shower would never wash away the frigid coldness that continued to run down her spin.

"_-Tommy! What did I say? Don't play with Mommy's- DAMNIT! PAULINE GET YOUR FAT ASS DOWN HERE! WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M PAYING YOU FOR?"_

There was more cluttering on the other end of the line followed by muffled out yelling. Both signs told Quinn that her sister put down the phone to yell at her live-in nanny and she rolled her eyes. Sometimes Frannie Thompson nee Fabray reminded her a lot of their father.

"_Sorry about that. You know how babies can be…"_ The slight smug tone in her voice made Quinn bristle in annoyance. _"Okay so I wanted to let you know that Derrick finally got his transfer approved and WE'RE MOVING BACK HOME! Isn't that great? We've still got a lot to cover over here but we are planning to be settled in before the end of the year. Of course w-"_

Quinn didn't hear the rest of the message. Her mind played a constant replay of Frannie's voice pronouncing her grand return to Lima, Ohio. Horrified, the former cheerleader backed slowly out of the living room to run to her room, rushing past a confused and slightly frightened Judy Fabray who looked like she had heard the last part of the voice-mail.

But Quinn didn't even notice her mother, she didn't hear anything but her sister's perfect voice telling her about her perfect family and how even though they didn't plan on having kids until Derrick was promoted, they would never _ever_ think of giving their little "surprise blessing" away. She didn't notice anything as she slammed her door, flashing back to the image of her mother saying _nothing_ in her youngest daughter's defense. No, Quinn didn't feel anything but she couldn't stop the memories of humiliation and betrayal when she saw her sister and the Fabray side of the family at the beginning of the summer.

After the New Directions' loss in New York and what Santana deemed as the "Quinn Fabreakdown May 2011," Quinn's mother decided it was time to travel and look at colleges. A road trip with Judy Fabray was not something that the girl looked forward to. Although living together with just the two of them had strengthened their relationship somewhat, lack of communication was apparently still a family tradition. They avoided any real talk about Russell and the divorce or Beth and her adoption. The girl didn't even want to think about discussing her future with the woman but it was senior year and her mother had been trying.

Both women had wanted to talk to each other about the issues they each had, but neither knew how to approach them and both were terrified of the confrontation. Mother and daughter both thanked Russell Fabray for leaving them well practiced in ignorance and avoidance. Quinn knew that her mother wanted to talk, the woman telling her with every sideways glance and worried look but there was always something holding the girl back from opening up to her. The two women had hoped the trip would change the distance between them.

Before the doomed trip across Middle America to the East Coast, Quinn brushed off the distance as lasting feelings of resentment and abandonment and had decided that it would blow over quickly in order to get their much needed mother-daughter moment. And for a moment she thought they did.

Their stop in Boston proved her wrong and it reminded Quinn why she always tried to kept Judy Fabray at arms length.

High expectations and hopes only lead to a shitload of disappointments.

* * *

><p><em>Flashback to Early summer… AKA the beginning of the end of Quinn Fabray<em>

"Quinnie, sweetheart, what do you think of the colleges we've seen so far?"

The mother-daughter team just finished travelling throughout Ohio touring the State Universities and Quinn was less than impressed. They had decided to stay at a motel for the night and were mapping out their next destination.

Getting no reaction from her daughter, Judy continued her questioning her. "You don't look so excited dear. Did you want to try for the Ivy Leagues next? Or are they much to pompous and 'mainstream' for my little hipster?" The little joke shook Quinn out of her reverie. It amazed the teen that her mother even knew the word "hipster." Quinn was convinced that Judy studies the urban dictionary daily but she knew her mom would never admit it. She chuckled a bit at the thought until she saw the serious expression appear on the older woman's face.

"_I know you think it's hard to be you, Rachel, but at least you don't have to be terrified all the time."_

For Quinn, touring the Ohio State colleges the whole week was just a bitter reminder of the desolate future she had thought was ahead of her. She thought back to Rach- Berry and their confrontation before Regionals about the future and "Getting it Right." Berry's words were echoing in Quinn's mind and for a moment they made everything a little better.

"_What are you so scared of?"_

"_The future… when all of this is gone."_

The former Head Cheerio thought about the events after that, Finn breaking up with her, foolishly planning Rachel's downfall at Nationals, reuniting with B and S, getting her drastic haircut. She scoffed at the memories. How could she act so stupid over a boy? Over an image of herself she didn't even like or want? Looking ahead now it didn't seem to matter. Rachel's kind words in the girl's bathroom the night of prom continued to ring in her mind.

"_You have nothing to be scared of. Look you're a very pretty girl Quinn. The prettiest girl I've ever met but… You're a lot more than that."_

While their time in New York was short and full of disappointments, Quinn was not able to, nor did she ever want to, shake the feeling of excitement and belonging that she experienced while staying there. The energy was electrifying and shocked her back to life. The new haircut brought a new Quinn and she would not let a boy or a stupid fear get in the way of the future _she_ wanted for herself. Quinn looked out their motel room window and could see the starry sky beaming their light down on her. They seemed in reach and she almost held out her hand to feel the warm light they appeared to give off.

"…_You're a lot more than that."_

"Actually mom, I'm thinking about applying to Columbia." The frightened teen admitted to her mother's turned back. Judy froze and Quinn felt the fear sweep her body away while she waited for her mom to turn around, yell, cry or do something. When the older woman finally turned towards her daughter, Quinn saw the biggest smile grace her mother's face and breathed out a relieved sigh. The next thing she knew she was engulfed in her mom's arms and was slowly turning blue.

For once seeing a bright future full of _life_ instead of Lima, she didn't quite mind her mom's hug cutting of any circulation to the rest of her body.

Finally returning the hug after a few seconds with just as much ferocity, she found that she didn't mind one bit.

* * *

><p><em><strong>A.N. – DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN. (my attempt an ominous background music to accompany the foreboding of the next chapter). I apologize for the wait but I had to do some serious mapping out for this story. This is actually a chapter cut in half. The next part is going to explore how everything went wrong and what turned this hopeful Quinn to Skank!Quinn. I know I promised more stuff but this backstory to Quinn's change has evolved so much.<strong>_

_**I decided to include other Fabray's in the next chapter and you have just been introduced to Frannie Thompson (nee Fabray), Quinn's prim and perfect older sister. Also we got a little glimpse at Frannie's new-born son (actually he's at about 5-6 months at the point of Frannie's call).  
><strong>_

_**I didn't want to make Judy out to be a bad mom but the obvious tension between her two daughters is a difficult situation to handle and nobody's perfect.  
><strong>_

_**Hope you like the Faberry without actual Faberry… That will actually continue for a while.**_

_**Instead of posting up another Rachel chapter, the next chapter that will be posted is going continue Quinn's early summer flashback.**_

_**As always I appreciate any input and criticisms. Please Read and Review!**_


	4. Living in Quinnfamy

Chapter 4

Living in Quinnfamy

_Got nothing to say anymore  
>There's nothing new<br>It's all been done before  
>Not looking to settle the score<br>So please let me be_

Thought I'd be the one you'd adore  
>I always thought<br>I would be so much more  
>Want something that I can't afford<br>So please let me be  
>Please let me be<p>

This is the end of a really sad story  
>But don't feel bad for me<br>I started out alone  
>And in the end that's where I'll be<br>Like the star of a really sad story  
>You don't live happily<br>I started out alone  
>And in the end that's where I'll be<p>

"Sad Story" – Plain White T's

* * *

><p><em><strong>July 2011<strong>_

Eventually Judy let go of her daughter and Quinn's body was able to have blood circulating normally after a couple of hours. They then spent the rest of the night in that motel in Canton planning the rest of their trip with New York set as their next destination. To Quinn, New York seemed like the only destination. She voiced her concern over money; she knew her mother's income as a real estate agent was not a lot considering the economy and the size of Lima. Judy had quickly waved off her daughter's worries saying that their summer road trip was being paid by Russell's divorce settlement. They both smirked at that thought that the bastard was paying for their mother/daughter trip.

They planned to leave first thing in the morning with her mom taking the first shift as driver. The weather appeared to have sensed their good moods because it was bright and sunny that morning. With the perfect summer forecast Quinn couldn't sleep and instead chose look out the window to watch the fields and trees blur by. The teen would occasionally turn the other way to find Judy smiling widely. After a few hours, the younger girl questioned her mom's constant grin.

"Mom, why are you still smiling?" To be honest Quinn was beginning to feel uncomfortable and was kind of worried that her mom's face was stuck like that.

"I'm just so proud of you honey! Oh my Quinnie's going to Columbia…" She replied, the smile never leaving her face.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "Mom I haven't even applied yet. I don't even know if I'd even get accepted!"

Her mother huffed. "Details, details. What school wouldn't want you? You're a shoe-in for Columbia! Why aren't you more excited? You're going to be a LION, Quinn!" Judy's exclamation nearly made her daughter jump with the scale of her enthusiasm.

"A what?" asked Quinn once her heart settled back down in her chest.

It was her mom's turn to roll her eyes this time. "Goodness Quinn, you don't even know your future school's mascot? GO LIONS! GO LION QUINN!"

Were all moms like this? So much positivity. Coming from _someone_ else it would be almost endearing but from a mom? It was just annoying. Okay maybe it did boost the girl's ego but as a teen she had to put up some front.

"Jeez mom! Turn down the decibels please?" The infamous Quinn eyebrow raise made its appearance at her mom's exuberance but looked more questioning than condescending. "How do you know Columbia's mascot anyways?" As far as the teen knew, the woman never followed college sports.

"Quinn last night you said you wanted to go to Columbia. You don't think I wouldn't want to find out more about my daughter's future Ivy League college? I spent most of the night Googling _and _Wiki-ing that school." Her mom looked like a supernova about to explode from pride and Quinn's eyes softened.

The car remained silent until the younger girl whispered, "I love you mom."

Judy smiled wide again and Quinn could tell she was trying to hold in tears. Her mom reached out her hand and she held it tightly, feeling secure for the first time in months.

* * *

><p>New York City was almost as incredible as the last time Quinn was there, although it seemed that the enthusiasm had dimmed a bit since then. She figured it was because she was there with her friends and that heightened the excitement. She sniggered at the memory of Berry buying tickets for <em>Cats <em>for her gleemates_. _Now that the future Broadway star was safe in Lima and in no danger of getting conned by creepy homeless people with butt cracks for credit card machines, the thought of her purchasing tickets for a musical that had been closed for years was more funny than worrisome.

Relaxing in their hotel, the teen thought that they were both lucky and unlucky when they reached the Sheraton and found there was a room available. Quinn gawked at how much the stay would cost them but her mom didn't flinch.

"Really Quinn, who's the mom here? Stop worrying so much and enjoy it!"

They had spent the rest of the late afternoon touring the area near the hotel, the hazel-eyed and hopeful girl finally letting herself enjoy the trip with her mom without worry. Taking the older woman's words to heart with renewed gusto she ended up dragging her around to all the spots she had seen when she was there with New Directions.

"We all sat around in Time Square for lunch and I swear Rachel looked like she already won her first Tony…" Quinn rambled on and actually felt like she was channeling Rachel. It was like word vomit though, she finally felt free to talk about anything and everything with her mom. Their conversation in the car tore down some of the walls the girl put up to protect herself if Judy ever decided that she didn't want a divorce and wanted Russell back. Or if she ever threw the teen out of the house again in disappointment. The pride in her mom's eyes when she said with so much confidence that Quinn was going to be a Columbia Lion made her feel strong enough be the daughter she used to be before…

She should of known it wouldn't last.

* * *

><p>Their second day in New York was spent walking around the Columbia College campus and Quinn was in love. They took a tour and Judy had taken an abundant amount of pictures, which would have been embarrassing to her daughter had she noticed. But the girl was truly engulfed by the atmosphere. The schools in Ohio were pleasant enough but being in New York, this city just intensified everything. Quinn felt for the first time in her life that she could be free. She would be truly able to find herself without her past keeping her down.<p>

When they returned to the hotel, the elder blonde surprised her daughter with tickets to the evening's Off-Broadway preview of RENT. That night it was Quinn's turn to hold a never-ending smile on her face. They both enjoyed the show; Judy was full of surprises thus far, rambling on about how much she loved Angel and Maureen. Considering the content would have made Russell Fabray send Quinn to a convent had he known and was still around, the fact that her mom took her to see it had her thinking of her mother in a new light.

The younger girl kept looking at the program when they got back to the hotel and couldn't help but think of the future Broadway star back in Lima. Would she be jealous if she knew? Did she already go to New York again to watch it? Would she want to talk about the show or compare it to the movie? She could almost see Berry's reactions and the thought made Quinn's lips quirk upwards before blowing up into a full-blown grin.

Gazing fondly at the child-like joy in her baby girl's eyes, Judy couldn't help but smile for what felt like the millionth time. She couldn't help it though. The woman hadn't seen her daughter look so happy since… since before Quinn became Quinn.

Lucy Fabray had disappeared years ago, but tiny glimpses would pop up once in a while. She hoped her daughter would be able to reconcile the past so she could move forward and she really felt that this trip was helping. She didn't want her baby to be like her, realizing too late what she wanted and who she wanted to be. The sudden loud sound of a ringtone interrupted both of the ladies' thoughts and the older woman got her phone to check the caller ID.

The teen saw her mom frown but before she could ask what was wrong, she had left the room. Curious about the woman's quick exit, she quietly (almost ninja-like if you asked Quinn) crept towards the door and pressed an ear to it in an effort to hear her mom.

" – _you know we are on a road trip for Quinnie!"_

Please don't let it be Russell.

"_Frannie! How would I even get Quinn to agree to visi – "_

There weren't many things that Quinn dreaded more than her father, but Frannie Thompson, née Fabray often topped the list. What the hell did her sister want now? She hadn't heard from her since she gave birth to a healthy baby boy months ago. Hell she hadn't even seen the poor boy that had the misfortune to be named Thomas 'Tommy' Thompson. Quinn would have guessed that Frannie needed someone else to suffer from silly alliterated names.

"_- couldn't you wait another couple of weeks sweetheart? I see you guys every month anyways –"_

Wait, what? Quinn sunk down to the floor. When did that happen? In the months since Tommy's birth, her mother never told her that she visited her sister monthly. Why didn't she ever tell her? How could she never tell her? Although she felt like she was punched in the gut, Quinn couldn't help but keep her ears to the door. Morbid curiosity she guessed.

"_-ine! FINE! We'll the day after tomorrow, but you better be on your best behavior. Francine Fabray Thompson! I don't care if you're an old maid in a nursing home I am STILL your mother and I'm warning you right now. You're sister is fragile right now and doesn't need to be constantly reminded of Bet-"_

So that was it, the teen thought. Finally having enough of listening to the one-sided mom did this all to prevent a breakdown? To keep her from flipping her shit again?

This whole trip was just a way to get out of sending her youngest daughter to therapy.

She couldn't believe she ate up her mom's bullshit. She didn't need pity. That's what this was all about wasn't it? It was never about her future, it was all about her being such a fuck-up. Looking out the window, Quinn couldn't see the stars. It was better that way.

Judy came back into the room feeling as if she just faced an angry bear. Her eldest daughter definitely took after her father sometimes. Always so stubborn. Maybe it was best that they went to visit. She had kept Quinn away from Frannie and Tommy because she was still feeling the effects from the previous year, from Beth. The teen mother didn't even deal with the loss, choosing the Fabray way of avoiding it at all costs. But it was costing her a lot and the elder blonde could see it.

She kept her distance at first in an effort to get Quinn to come to her. If she were more honest with herself she would admit to having been afraid to deal with it all, but going to the Lima Single-Parent Support Group had helped and she felt more confident in her own skills as a parent. That was why she suggested the trip in the first place. She hoped being stuck in a car for long hours would open up doors for communication and it was starting to work.

"You're sister wants us to go to Boston and I think we should make the trip, return the rental there and just take a plane back to Ohio. I mean you haven't even seen your nephew yet."

The younger of the two women just shrugged and turned over in her bed.

Okay the communication thing could use a little more work.

"Quinnie?"

"I've never met my nephew, _mom_? And whose fault is that?" The younger blonde sat up abruptly in anger, "I'm surprised you even told me where we were going next. I thought I was just too fragile to know _anything!_ Too unstable to face my sister and her fricking _BABY_!" The bite in the younger blonde's tone was slightly reminiscent of her times as the Head Cheerio, but Judy was taken back having never seen that part of her.

Feeling as nervous as she did when she asked the younger girl to move back in with her just over a year ago, Judy tried to comfort her daughter but the walls around Fort Quinn rose up even higher than before.

The rest of their stay in New York was awkward and cold. Quinn refused to talk to her mother and when the times she was forced to, she never spoke more than two words. Judy had no idea what to do. She lied to her daughter and now the girl thought this whole thing was some sort of conspiracy. Teenagers…

Before leaving their hotel, the older blonde wordlessly gave her daughter a medium sized, wrapped box and headed out to the car. It wouldn't make up for everything, she wasn't naïve enough to believe that, but it was something. Something more than she would have done before everything went to hell.

Quinn thought about throwing the stupid thing away but curiosity got the better of her. Shaking slightly, she tore the wrapping paper and was dumbstruck by the amount of Columbia memorabilia inside the box. Keychains, Columbia Lion t-shirts, a hoodie; it actually amazed her how her mother fit everything inside one box. Taking out the final gift store purchase, Quinn saw it was a mug that said "My Daughter is a Columbia Lion, Hear her Roar." The girl let out a giggle while unshed tears filled her eyes.

Getting into the car, she gave the mug back to her mother. "It's kind of cheap to get a mug for your daughter only to expect it back later."

The woman in question sighed in relief and scoffed. "Believe me Quinnie, that stuff is _anything_ but cheap. I feel like I paid your tuition with all that."

They both let a genuine laugh and drove to Boston in a more comfortable silence.

It wasn't until they reached the small mansion in the suburbs of Boston and pulled into the picture perfect driveway that their comfort disappeared and the nerves returned.

* * *

><p>"Oh my goodness! Look at you Lucy Q!"<p>

"You don't even look like you had a baby!"

"I mean I thought for sure the weight would go straight to that Lucy Caboosey of yours. That's what those silly kids used to call you right?"

"Oh those kids were so creative."

Ambushed. That was the only way for Quinn to describe this family reunion from hell. Frannie Thompson had welcomed her mother and younger sister with open arms but neglected to tell them of the other guests in the house. While, thankfully, their father Russell was on a "business trip" with his secretary in Europe, his Desperate Housewife sisters managed a visit to their favorite niece.

Looking at her mother, Quinn knew that she was just as shocked and overwhelmed by her former sister-in-laws' appearance. The youngest daughter saw the look of utter fear on her mom's face. The elder Fabray sisters could be more vicious than Santana and Coach Sylvester put together. Growing up around them had toughened the teen making her transformation into Quinn the HBIC so successful. But when she was Little Lucy Q, the young girl had no walls at all to protect her from the cutting insults about her weight and looks.

Lucy was definitely her mother's daughter. There was nothing that Judy could do right by the Fabray sisters. The turkey always tasted too dry, the living rooms never quite clean enough, the decorations too cheap to be considered lovely. Any excuse really, to put down the mother and daughter whenever they could. So Lucy turned into Quinn, the pride of the Fabray's and Judy turned to alcohol, large quantities of alcohol. Both methods were numbing and deadened them inside. The divorcee had quit drinking after Russell was kicked out but it looked like she would need it during their stay in Boston.

But the Fabray women, Felicia, Faith and Francine (the Elder) didn't pounce on their brother's ex-wife though; the former Head cheerleader and recent teen mom was better prey by far and it wasn't long before the subtle slights became full out bitchiness. Frannie, of course, couldn't help but join in.

"Oh Judy it must have been _so_ hard for you. Russell must have been in such a place to ever consider giving up such a great woman like you." The eldest Felicia gave the other woman what Quinn thought was supposed to be a sympathetic hug, but the forced dramatics made it seem like a scene from one of those horrible reality shows.

It wasn't long between Faith joined in, "I know dearie, Russ would never have done so otherwise, if it weren't for some stressful event in his life."

So that's where they're going with this, thought Quinn. At least her mom was here with her, right?

"Daddy did say that everything was great until _someone_ got pregnant out of wedlock." Frannie joined in with the spitting accusation.

Quinn turned to her mother, begging for something, anything. A way out. But the woman kept her gaze to the floor, still paralyzed with fear.

The sister closest in age to Russell, Francine Vansen aka Frannie the Elder, finally decided to put her two cents in and the teen braced herself.

"Well… _I _heard our dear Lucy Q's baby wasn't even her boyfriend's."

Francine's favorite namesake stepped up again, eyes lit up with malice, "I think I told you that Auntie Fran! It was–"

"It was his best friend, Noah Puckerman. I cheated on Finn with his best friend and got pregnant because he got me drunk and told me it was okay. I was stupid, I made a mistake, I learned from it. Can we _please_ get over it now?"

Quinn was damned if she would ever let these vultures ever let her feel like Lucy Caboosey again and took pride in the astonished faces before her.

The small victory didn't last long as Aunt Francine recovered first. "Puckerman? Noah Puckerman? You got yourself pregnant by a Jewish boy? Oh if your father knew he would just _die_!"

The teen sat back down. It was going to be a very long couple of days.

* * *

><p>The rest of the week consisted of what sounded like Puritan sermons from the three Fabray Furies, daily church attendance and even more nit-picking from Frannie. Quinn was beginning to think that if she didn't get out of that hellhole soon then somebody wasn't going to come out of this weekend alive.<p>

Judy completely closed up, proving to of no help to the poor teen. Any progress they made before Boston completely erased and Quinn was thrown back to every Christmas/Thanksgiving/big Fabray family even in which everybody just ganged up on her.

Sitting in the guest room, her only salvation from the harping, she looked through the Columbia shirts and gifts she got from Judy. The support was nice when it lasted, and maybe soon she would never have to deal with these people again. The thought made her smile.

"What the heck is _that_ Lucy Q?"

Quinn frowned and tried to hide the precious gifts but it was too late. Frannie grabbed a t-shirt holding the offending object under her scrutinizing gaze before huffing in disbelief.

"_You_ think you're going to Columbia?"

The younger sister stood up in anger, "Why the hell do you even care Francine?"

"Oh no special reason just worried that you're aiming a little too high there Little Lucy."

"What?"

"I mean you're a disgrace. The Celibacy Club president who got pregnant with her boyfriend's best friend, the poor girl who lost Prom Queen to a fag, do I _need_ to go on? Aren't you the least bit shameful? Because frankly I'm embarrassed of you and for you." The elder sister leaned back with that damned smirk still on her face.

Judy came in to see what the fuss was, catching the end of Frannie's tirade and arriving just in time to hold her youngest daughter back from attacking her sister. "Francine! You apologize to your sister right now."

"That crazy bitch just tried to attack me! Learning a little too much from Satan-a? She _rubbing _off on you a little?"

Quinn shrugged off her mother's arms, laughing, "That's what you come up with? All of a sudden I'm a lesbian now? What, are you going to slap me with the Bible while you're at it? That's just pathetic Fannie." Reverting back to childhood nicknames unhinged her sister.

"You're calling me pathetic? I'm married! I had a baby. I live in this beautiful house in the suburbs. I got out of Ohio and I'm _happy_. You? You broke up our family. Mom and Daddy don't even talk to each other anymore. You abandoned your baby just to go back to your selfish high school life and you couldn't even do _that_ right." Frannie was fuming and the younger girl flinched at every accusation. She was finally getting at her… "Lucy, you think some Ivy League college is just going to accept you? You'll be nothing but a whore, a slut who will end up stuck in Lima, married to a loser like Puckerman who you know will never stay faithful to you and you will be miserable for the rest of your damn life. It's what you deserve, and you know it."

The whole room stayed quiet, Judy was shocked by hateful and vindictive her eldest daughter was. The younger girl's shoulder's slumped, her sister addressing every one of her fears, knowing it would hurt like hell. She couldn't help but think that maybe she was right. And maybe, just maybe, Quinn was tired of fighting it.

She gave her sister the most hateful glare she could muster, trying to channel a Coach Sue and was grateful that it worked. Frannie stepped back in fear and the Quinn used the opportunity to get out of the room.

* * *

><p>Quinn had left the house, or prison as she would have called it, and hadn't returned for hours. When she came back, she holed herself in the guest room and she still hadn't come out. Judy was left to deal with the four women. Finally getting the backbone she didn't have before she ripped into every one of them. She just hoped it wasn't too late.<p>

"You should be ashamed of yourselves! I don't care if you're older that just makes what you've been doing even more deplorable and just plain pathetic. That girl has been through more than any of you can think of and all you do is sit around and judge her? What gives you that right? Are you all just so miserable that you have to put down an eighteen-year-old girl just to make yourselves feel better?"

The ladies put up a show of shame, but nobody in the room believed it for a second.

"But m-mom I jus-"

"I don't care Francine! You don't know how disappointed I am right now in you."

Frannie stood up abruptly, angry with the woman treating her like a child. "You _always_ take her side!"

"What is wrong with you Frannie? You and Quinn aren't little girls anymore! Stop acting like one! I love you both and you know that." Judy fixed a sad gaze on her older daughter, "I may not like you very much right now Francine, but I do still love you."

Frannie slumped back down in her seat, the other women immediately going to her side and Felicia spoke up, "Now see here Judy I don't-"

Everybody fell silent as a girl with bright pink hair and black clothes smoked a cigarette as she descended down the stairs.

"Quinnie?"

The girl answered with a puff of smoke and a nod. There was a honk outside and she made for the door.

"I bought a ticket back to Lima for tonight. It was such a _nice_ stay but you know, I've got to go back to whore around and be a slut." Quinn's voice was low and gravelly and Judy flinched at the tone.

Quinn was halfway out the door before she turned and stalked up to her sister. She raised her hand quickly to Frannie's face, and the blonde woman flinched but was surprised when she was just lightly tapped. "Thanks for the invite 'Sis.' Oh and thank your husband for me too. He's got great taste in cigarettes. The stash was pretty easy to find though. Was he supposed to be hiding that from you?" With that the girl left the house and got into the cab.

Getting the final word was a hollow victory, but Quinn would take it. She was never going back to being Lucy the doormat but everybody made it clear that she couldn't be the Quinn she used to be. Why should she fight fate?

As the girl boarded the plane back to Ohio, she mentally noted that she was right. Somebody didn't come out alive by the end of the trip.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay... that was intense! And I've got to say, Frannie makes for a good substitute villain. She's one crazy bitch... I chose her because I've read too many fanfics with Russell as Quinn's antagonist and I just wanted to bring in something fresh. There's a reason why she's the way she is and if you guys like the confrontation I'll probably be bringing that back later (much later). <strong>

**I wanted Judy to be trying to be a good parent. She's only human so she was bound to get something wrong and Quinn just acted like any teenager would when she feels betrayed, whether it's an overreaction or a justified one. I hope you guys don't hate Mama Fabray too much, her daughters were fighting and she didn't know what to do... **

**My headcanon has Lucy and Judy being really close before she became Quinn, bonding over the Furies Fabray's attacks and such.  
><strong>

**Also shout out to Judy bringing in the "Lion Quinn!" Reference.  
><strong>

**Not a lot of Rachel mentioned in this (only bits and pieces) but the next chapter is going to be another Rachel-centric chapter (Yey!) and it will be a lot lighter. Just as a reminder, this story is connected to my other WIP fic "This Was Supposed to Be Our Year," which is a Brittana fic, so it will eventually run parallel. I'm aiming for a Faberritana friendship but that won't happen for a bit.  
><strong>


	5. But First Be a Person Who Needs People

**AN: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to update! Hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Still a slow moving Faberry fic but I added bits here and there. Primarily a Rachel-centric chapter. This adds some missing scenes to Purple Piano Project. I really wanted Rachel to show some growth from previous years and this was how it turned out**

**As always, please read and review!**

* * *

><p>The Rachel Berry Show:<p>

Act 1: Part 2

But First be a Person Who Needs People

* * *

><p>People<br>People who need people  
>Are the luckiest people in the world,<br>We're children, needing other children  
>And yet letting our grown-up pride<br>Hide all the need inside,  
>Acting more like children<br>Than children.

Lovers are very special people,  
>They're the luckiest people<br>In the world.  
>With one person, one very special person<br>A feeling deep in your soul  
>Says you were half,<br>Now you're whole.  
>No more hunger and thirst<br>But first be a person  
>Who needs people.<br>People who need people  
>Are the luckiest people<br>In the world!

With one person, one very special person  
>A feeling deep in your soul<br>Says you were half,  
>Now you're whole.<br>No more hunger and thirst  
>But first be a person<br>Who needs people.

People who need people  
>Are the luckiest people<br>In the world!

- "People" _Funny Girl_

* * *

><p>Rachel Berry was sure of many things, like how she will be the youngest person ever to be EGOT winner in the shortest amount of time. How she will have a luxury penthouse in the tallest condo in New York, a fabulous classic Hollywood mansion in California and a quant flat in London. She was sure that Kurt would be right there on Broadway with her and Blaine would follow. She was absolutely certain that Mr. Schuester had a different sweater vest for every day of the year... For two years.<p>

Yet there was one thing she was never quite so sure of: where she stood with Quinn Fabray. Their fated encounter outside the convenience store never had a repeat performance and while she had spent the week jogging past Lima Heights (NOT STALKING), the former Head Cheerleader didn't make it easy for her to approach her again. The tiny brunette didn't tell anybody that she saw Quinn, as she didn't think anyone would believe her and was forced to stop jogging in the area once she found out Brittany and Santana were back in town. As far as she knew, Santana was still quite bitter about the National's "kiss" incident.

So now instead of jogging in an effort to see the new Quinn and to coax, Rachel was at home once again reorganizing her priceless CD collection. It was part of her ritual for the new school year. A new year meant new traumas, heartbreaks and dramas and although Rachel prided herself in maintaining an optimistic outlook, she wanted to be prepared for any situation that required teen angst music. Of course, it was excellent preparation for the soundtrack for her future biographical movie and E! True Hollywood Story.

Sitting alone in her room, the isolation reminded her of summers past when she didn't have the friends she did now. This year, Rachel had barely spent time in her room alone during the summer, but the weekend before school Finn, Kurt and their parents family-bonding trip and now her access to the other glee members was basically non-existent. Tina and Mike were in Asian Couple Honeymoon mode and she doubted she would even _want_ to see the two before school started. Mercedes was busy with her new boyfriend too, recovering quickly after losing Sam. Rachel wasn't as comfortable hanging out with Mercedes sans Kurt anyways because while the two divas got along better than they had before, a surprising amount of tension still bubbled under the surface. The short diva thought maybe it was her newfound best friend status with Kurt that unleashed some bitterness in the other girl, but it wasn't too large of an issue as of yet so she refused to dwell on it.

Rachel then thought of her fellow Jewish member and let out another heavy sigh. Since the "Need You Now" mess and almost slaughter of the football jerks, Noah stayed away from Rachel and her house unless absolutely necessary (because according to the boy, a party the following month with alcohol was completely necessary). The Barbravention was the only other time that reminded her that they were even still friends.

The realization that the only friendships she had now were because of Finn and Kurt made Rachel sad. In her mind that meant she had no choice but to rely on their presence for her to feel like she was included outside of glee. What did that mean for her and Finn? For her and Kurt? What if ambition got in the way of the Hummelberry like it did before? Would their diva battles tear down the closest friendship she had in years? And what about Finn? Should 'Finchel' ever go their separate ways again would she be able to keep her precious friendships with everybody else? She wasn't naïve enough to believe that everybody suddenly liked her and irrational thoughts plagued her mind at the hypothetical situation.

The logical part of her mind reasoned that Kurt would not want to stop being friends even if his step-brother did break up with her, but Rachel could never allow herself to come between the brothers. Another reason to stay with Finn, she thought jokingly. Rachel ignored the voice in the back of her head that scolded her for the comment. She didn't just stay with Finn to avoid being alone did she? No of course not, she loved him because he loved her and they loved each other… It was meant to be, she thought, paying no heed to how weak the justification sounded in her head.

A doorbell interrupted her thought process though, and as she made her way downstairs she wondered whom it could be, tuning out her mind's whispers that hoped it was a certain pink-haired girl waiting at the door. Rachel opened the door and before she could see who was behind it, a pair of arms surrounded her and pulled the small girl in a tight hug.

"RACHEL!"

The sight of blonde hair tied in a ponytail and the shouted joyful greeting clued the small diva in on the identity of her unexpected visitor.

"Brittany?" This was definitely a surprise. Rachel did a quick look around to see if Santana was nearby as well. Seeing no sign of Brittany's other, bitchier half she sighed in relief with the knowledge that she was going to stay alive for a little longer.

The petite brunette let go of the affectionate girl, and she noticed a car in the driveway with an older woman who appeared to Brittany's mom and a younger blonde child in the rear. Her little sister, Rachel guessed. The older blonde caught Rachel's eye and gave a suspiciously sympathetic glance before driving off.

Finally curiosity made her speak up. "Umm Brittany? What are you doing here?"

"You're my new tutor for English Rachel! Isn't that super awesome?"

It's not very often that Rachel Barbra Berry was rendered speechless, but Brittany's sudden news did the job very effectively.

"Uhh Rach? That's a cool fish face you're making… is that a new voice exercise thingie? Cuz I don't think it's working. You're not really talking. Unless you're trying to speak to me in your mind like you're telepathetic. I've tried that before but nobody really answers my calls."

The normally loud diva recovered slightly from the shock as Brittany rambled. "What do you mean Brittany? How did- when did I-?"

"Well my mom said that if I wanted to pass English this year, I needed a tutor and you're like, the only person I know who could talk dictionary so… I told her you'd tutor me."

"But I thought Santana helped you with your classes?" Rachel was fearful of the brunette cheerleader's reaction if and when she learned that "Man Hands" Berry was tutoring the blonde.

Brittany pouted and shifted her eyes downwards. "Well she did, but besides math, we'd always get so bored of like school and just make out the rest of the time. But that won't be a problem with you cuz you're clothes really gross me out and make me not want to give you my sweet lady kisses."

"Oh, well…" Rachel looked down at her own outfit and frowned. "Look I'm sorry Brittany but it's our senior year. I need to focus on me and my future as a Broadway star and EGOT winner."

"Please? I tried asking Q but she wasn't answering and San told me she went to a wall. Artie called me stupid so I don't want to ask him… Besides I don't think Santana would have liked it very much if I asked him."

"I don't think Santana would want me tutoring you either Brittany… Besides I'm already in a lot of the clubs at school in addition to the dance and vocal lessons I take on the weekends. That along with school and glee? I just- I don't know. Mr. Schue even told me I needed to work on my dancing this year so I'll have to take part in supplementary lessons from him sometime." Being told that her dancing wasn't quite up to par with her voice was a blow to her ego and swore that she would improve.

"Oh! I can totally tutor you with dancing! And maybe I can tutor you dressing better too! You'll look not gross anymore. Come on Ray! We're a family aren't we? I need you…" Brittany brought out the heavy artillery and aimed a puppy-dog pout straight at Rachel's heart… bang! She was gone.

The glee club co-captain melted and gave in quickly. "Okay Brittany, I'll do it. You're right. We are a family, and providing aid when one member requires it is a sacred duty that I as co-"

"Sweet!" Brittany nodded her head while interrupting Rachel's rambles, "Awesome… thanks Rachel, you're a good friend!" The blonde practically tackled the smaller girl to the floor with her unbridled joy. "I'm so excited! I'm an awesome teacher you'll see! You'll be able to this before you can teach me how to read the dictionary!" Brittany jumped straight up off of the smaller girl and performed a complicated spin before landing in a split.

Rachel gaped and highly doubted she would be able to pull off that particular move but the blonde's enthusiasm was infectious. More importantly, the other girl thought that they were friends! Rachel quickly followed the other girl off the floor. "Well we might as well begin our tutoring session now. How much time can you spare?"

"Well I have to help teach a pewee dance lesson at St. Cecile's Dance Academy in a couple of hours. My mom said that those things look good on college afflictions."

"Applications Brittany… Your extra-curricular activities look good on College applications."

Brittany grinned in response. "See you're doing great! I'm learning new stuff already!"

Rachel could tell it was going to be a long weekend but looking at her- her friend as she danced up the stairs, she didn't think she would mind at all.

* * *

><p>That day Rachel forgot all about Finn, Kurt and rearranging her CD's. Tutoring Brittany was definitely a challenging task but getting a look at how the blonde saw the world, Rachel quickly adapted and planned to try alternate methods. Relating words to different cat species, putting words on flashcards, comparing themes of novels to Teen dramas. Most of the time after she implemented her new tactics, the session didn't feel like tutoring, they were having fun. Rachel even drove the other girl to the dance studio for her assistant teaching job and continued to hang out afterwards. They worked on their dancing until Santana had called the blonde asking to hang out for the night.<p>

Brittany wanted to invite the petite brunette but Rachel opted out citing that telling Santana about their newfound friendship would be hazardous to her wellbeing.

"But that's just silly Rach! Santana's not even mad anymore! She got rid of the doll she had of you that had needles in it before school ended! For real though, I think she blames Finn now cuz he t-rexed you and you're just itty-bitty so you couldn't really fight him off."

Somehow knowing that Santana "Satan" Lopez _used_ to have a voodoo doll in her image didn't make her feel any better and left the academy in a rush but not before promising the other girl that they would get together the next day to do some last minute back-to-school clothes shopping.

The poor girl didn't even know that she promised Brittany total control of what she would buy; Rachel just had to get out of the studio before Santana saw her…

* * *

><p>Rachel was exhausted come Monday, the shopping trip the previous day took more out of her than any dance lesson or glee routine ever could. Thankfully her animated shopping partner allowed for some input. Brittany now approved of Rachel's 'naughty school girl' look, as she liked to call it. Rachel observed her chosen outfit for the day and didn't quite understand how it could be naughty. She sighed, failing to find any flaw but the lack of animal prints on her clothes. A loud honk from outside reminded Rachel that Finn was picking her up with Kurt earlier than usual and she rushed outside as to not keep the waiting.<p>

Finn had early football practice for the first day and Rachel and Kurt decided it would be a good opportunity to get some vocal practice in before glee started. Armed with their life-plans and the best sets of voices (in their humble opinions) at McKinley, they marched up to the choir room and hijacked the piano once they saw that Brad was weirdly absent.

"So Rachel, where were you yesterday? I called you when the Hummel-Hudson weekend getaway ended and your dad said you went out shopping with a friend…" Kurt asked during their break between scales and warm-up songs. "Is this where this little ensemble came from? Because I approve, it is a definite improvement from the animal sweaters… but to go clothes shopping without me?" The boy clicked his tongue and shook his finger in a condescending 'no-no' manner.

Rachel looked slightly ashamed at her friend's scandalized question. Of course she felt guilty about ignoring Kurt and Finn the previous day but Rachel still wanted to keep her blossoming new friendship with Brittany to herself. Kurt's interrogation was put to a close once Jacob Ben Israel marched awkwardly into the room with What's-his-name behind the camera for an interview.

"So Rachel how does it feel to be on the top of my list of the Most Wankiest Women at McKinley?"

Rachel winced and wondered what was worse, getting interviewed by Jacob or interrogated by Kurt.

* * *

><p>The first morning back at school flew by quickly and thankfully for Rachel, surviving Jacob's vile and lewd questions proved to be an easier task than before with Kurt's presence there with her. For once she had managed to escape the choir room without feeling the need to wash herself clean after being the subject of the perverse blogger's gaze for too long. Jacob's interview about the future also managed to make Kurt forget, momentarily at least, about his own questions for Rachel and made her strangely grateful for his interruption.<p>

As she walked purposely to find Finn after lunch, Rachel briefly wondered why she was slushee facial free thus far. Usually the slushee would have hit her face by now but her spare outfit was still unused in her locker. Catching a glimpse of the neon blue ice in a cup that was being held by someone in the Titan Letterman, Rachel had a slight panic attack. Instead of freezing up in anticipation for once she decided it would be less hazardous to her new wardrobe if she merely fled the halls of McKinley for the remainder of her lunch hour. Rushing out to the field and the bleachers she mentally noted how she would apologize properly to Finn at glee practice. Perhaps Rachel would also make her famous "I'm sorry" cookies to make it up to him.

The sun was shining brightly and Rachel decided to enjoy the pleasant weather by sitting at the bleachers. She caught a familiar mop of pink hair behind the metal seating area with the other 'Skanks' but somehow resisted the overwhelming urge to talk to the girl. Having already decided that she wouldn't overwhelm Quinn by begging her to come back, Rachel would wait and see if she would show up to practice that day. After taking a few moments to ignore the compulsion that was Quinn Fabray, Rachel rushed past the Skanks to reach the bleachers. In her haste she never noticed the pair of hazel eyes that followed her every movement.

A familiar scene greeted her once she reached her destination, as Rachel's mind was suddenly flooded with memories from her sophomore year.

"Noah?"

Noah 'Puck' Puckerman, her fellow Jewish comrade in glee club was sitting at the bleachers and he was, dare she even think it, moping? Perplexed at Puck's state, Rachel sat down nearby. He didn't say a word and for once neither did Rachel. They just sat there together, Rachel's critical mind noting that the way they were sitting paralleled their breakup almost two years prior.

Finally Puck couldn't take it anymore, a silent Rachel was a lot weirder than the crazy non-stop talking one. "Lauren broke up with me. She said something about me and glee bringing down her rep or some shit like that."

Rachel wanted to comment on his obviously poor sense of grammar, as well as his use of language but held herself back. Noah was hurting right now and he needed someone to listen not critique him on his speech patterns. So instead she rested a hand on his back rubbing it comfortingly.

"You know what? Screw her. She doesn't know what she's missing. And you know what's the best part? Now the Puckasaurus Rex is back in business. These guns aren't meant to keep just one woman on them. They're just too badass for this monogamous shit."

They stayed silent after Puck's proclamation. Neither thought that the other believed what was just said but they didn't want to say anything.

"You know what I'm thinking Rach?"

"That it's been almost fifteen minutes and in that elapsed time you've talked more than me?" The jab was enough to break Puck's melancholy and he cracked a smile.

"Shit seriously? I'm turning into a chick. You contagious or something?" Puck nudged her jokingly and Rachel lightened as she saw him genuinely joke around and laugh.

"AHH! Stop it Noah!" The silly boy began to tickle Rachel and she struggled to get away from his fingers. "Ahhahaha… No stop! Tell me what you were thinking- hahaha STOP IT NOAH!"

Puck stopped his merciless assault on her funny bone when tears started falling from the tiny laughing brunette and turned slightly more serious. "I was thinking that… I miss you Jew-Jew Bee."

"Noah…" She rolled her eyes at the nickname but was touched by the heartfelt confession.

"Uh not in a whole I wanna make out with you kind of way cuz that kind of back-fired last time but it's not like I don't want to –not want- I mean it's not like you're not hot cuz you are - really hot. I mean easily top five at McKinley I swear, but it's just that I almost lost my Bro for good when we did that duet together and I really tried to keep away but…" Puck dropped his head in embarrassment, "… but I really miss being your friend."

Rachel smiled softly. "Wow, I must be contagious." Puck let out a nervous chuckle but it died once Rachel frowned in realization. She met the taller boy's gaze. "Noah what did you mean you tried to keep away? Why did you even have to?" Rachel pulled out the weapon of mass destruction, one that she learned from Brittany the previous day, and she began to pout. "Noah… why did you stop being my friend?"

The muscular boy, often considered the biggest and most badass juvenile delinquent at McKinley, wilted under the intensity of Rachel's sad broken puppy pout. "The BRO-CODE! I-I couldn't hang out with you without breaking the Bro-Code. So after our duet and with Coach forcing the team to man-up and be buds again, I thought I had to give you up to get Finn to trust me again…" He didn't mention his conversation with Finn. There were limits on how much of the Bro-Code that you could spill after all.

Shaking her head in disbelief, Rachel attempted to follow Puck's logic. "So… you thought that you had to end _our_ friendship to keep Finn from thinking that we were hooking up? Noah you do realize that right after that incident you began to woo Lauren for the rest of the year in order to be in a monogamous relationship with her… Not to mention the fact that not even a few weeks after Finn broke up with me, he led Quinn to cheat on Sam and they reunited in secret?"

Now Puck was really glad he didn't mention Finn's conversation with him. Rachel was just on the edge of being extremely pissed off. "Yeah well… the Bro-Code you know?"

"No I don't know… I just know that you're being stupid for thinking that I would let Finn get in the way of us being friends. You should give me a copy of your stupid Bro-Code, maybe I could find a loophole."

"Uh Rach? The Bro-Code isn't an actual book… You gotta be a Bro to-"

The slightly befuddled boy was interrupted once the metaphorical light bulb flashed in Rachel's head. "That's it! Noah you're a genius!"

"Wait, what? I am?" Puck shook his head, talking with Rachel always made him really confused but he tried to keep up with her thought process.

"Of course! Noah, you're concerned that being my friend will cause a break in your 'Bro-ship' with Finn correct?" When Puck nodded his head Rachel continued, "Well it wouldn't be breaking your ridiculous 'Bro-Code' if _we _were 'Bros,' would it?"

Finally getting where Rachel was going, he nodded. "I guess so… but would Finn really go for it?"

Rachel huffed in annoyance. "_Finn_ is just going to have to deal with it. It's official now. Noah Puckerman, you and I are officially 'Bros.'"

Puck laughed and then got a mischievous look in his eyes. "You know the first rule of the Bro-Code is to shake on it."

The tiny brunette nodded, taking Noah quite seriously then she noticed the boy spit into his hand offering it out. Disgusted and worried for the sanitary condition she would be in for being Noah's 'Bro,' she glanced at the proffered hand then shifted her gaze to Noah who was looking at her expectantly. Taking in a deep breath and closing her eyes she quickly spit into her hand and grasped Noah's hand tightly, while quietly voicing her disgust.

"Eww Noah this is digusting!"

Puck let go of her hand laughing while wiping off the spit on his pants. "Yeah I know. I can't believe you actually believed me!"

"You're such a jerk Noah Puckerman!" Once she realized Noah's prank she left the bleachers to run after him.

They spent the rest of their break chasing each other around the field and laughing. Their play fight made Rachel feel lighter than she had in weeks. She really did miss her friend Noah, but she never dreamed that he had missed her just as much.

* * *

><p>Glee club practice had just finished for the day and once Finn was reassured that Rachel had another ride home, she went to the library to meet Brittany. The second tutoring session with the child-like blonde was a lot more productive than the first one, now that Rachel had an idea of the other girl's learning habits it was easier to get her started on the concepts. Brittany was now trying to work through her own questions in the library while the tiny brunette beside her arranged the proposed song performance for recruiting, using the time in between tutoring to get some of her own work done. She felt that "We Got the Beat" was fun, upbeat and classic enough to attract music lovers and performers. All she had to do now was figure out who would get the solo verses for the song.<p>

"The Go-Go's? Cool! Santana loves the Go-Go's! You should ask S to do the song with you… It would sound totally hot."

Rachel winced at the suggestion. She still feared Santana's 'Lima Heights Adjacent' threats and was reluctant to ask her anything. Brittany saw the hesitance in her smaller friend's eyes.

"Come on Rachel, Santana's not that bad. If you just ask her without using too many words I think she'll say yes."

"That's easy for you to say Brittany, Santana doesn't hate your guts." In fact, Rachel thought, it was just the opposite in the blonde's case.

Brittany looked confused at the retort. "But Santana doesn't hate you Ray. She just tries really hard to pretend that she does. I think she pretends so much that she believes it." At Rachel's disbelieving look, Brittany paused to think of a different way of explaining how S felt. "Okay, um, you don't hate Q right? Even after everything that she did?"

"Of course I don't." Rachel didn't hesitate with her answer. Just the thought of any hatred towards Quinn Fabray was pure ludicrous in Rachel's mind. Unfathomable.

"Q doesn't hate you either. She just feels like she has to. So she pretends like S does." The smaller girl nodded in agreement, having already come to that conclusion a long time ago. "Well Q and S are like super close in the alphabet and that means they're a lot alike. They're always doing stuff that hurts other people. They don't really want to but they think it's a way to keep themselves from getting hurt. I don't think they know it just hurts them more…."

Brittany trailed off and started working on another question, determined to figure it out herself. Rachel sat speechless once again beside her. The girl's perceptive outlook on life was always there but the smaller brunette never took the time to realize just how amazing Brittany was.

"You're a genius you know that Brittany?"

The girl in question smiled. "Yeah I know… I'm amazing." Rachel enjoyed the other girl's lack of a filter or modesty, it reminded her that she wasn't alone in realizing one's own gifts.

They continued to work in silence before Rachel noticed Brittany frowning. "What's wrong Brittany? Did you not understand something?" Looking over Brittany's shoulder she saw the alphabet written on a sheet of paper.

"Look Rachel…" She pointed at the Q R S in the alphabet "You guys are all close together." Then Brittany moved her finger to the beginning of the alphabet on the sheet. "And there I am with A. And A called me stupid so I don't really want to be beside him even though I'm not mad at him anymore. Besides you guys are like so much more fun than he is."

Brittany was really sad about her placement in the alphabet and Rachel wanted nothing more than to make her friend joyful once more. "Look at what comes before Q Brittany."

"P?" The taller girl questioned.

Rachel nodded. "Yeah and what's your last name?"

The blonde brightened at the question, realizing where Rachel was going. "Pierce!"

"See you're there too. You don't have to worry."

The solution didn't last for too long in Brittany's mind. "But what about Puck? I mean he can't be Noah because he's only Noah with you so that doesn't count."

Rachel was stumped at her friend's logic. Focusing her gaze back and forth between B and Q R S on the sheet of paper, she finally found a Brittany-esque answer to the girl's inquiry.

"Brittany! Look at B and R. Don't they look similar to each other?" Brittany nodded uncertainly and Rachel resumed her tirade. "Well I think it means that they're really related… therefore B is really in the wrong place and should instead be situated right beside R making you a part of our little alphabet group."

"So we're like… alphabet sisters?" Brittany asked, going along with Rachel's idea. "And I should be beside R and S right?"

Rachel nodded enthusiastically; she really did enjoy looking at the world from a different perspective and was quite proud of her own imagination for coming up with this solution.

"Yey! You know what that means Rach? It's Q, R, B and S! We're like the Fantastic Four or the Fab Four or the Unholy Quadrinity. And you and Q are still beside each other like how it's supposed to be. Isn't that great?"

Both girls began to giggle at their own silliness before the old librarian kicked them out. Rachel refused to acknowledge what Brittany said about Q and R but it kept on slipping back into her mind. As they walked to their respective lockers Rachel reconsidered the arrangement for song.

"Hey Brittany? Do you think you and Santana would like to join me in singing the solo verses for our recruitment song?" Her answer was a loud yelp of excitement and a hug that was strong enough to knock her down once again. Why did Rachel get the feeling that if Brittany was to continue being her friend, she would have to invest in a butt pillow or some elbow pads?

* * *

><p>The next morning, Rachel surprised them all by suggesting the shared solo song and asking Santana to sing with her. Like expected, the taller brunette scoffed.<p>

"Whatever Hobbs McGee, I guess you'll need me to make people even listen to the song before lobbing objects at you guys." The weak backhanded acceptance gave Rachel hope that perhaps Brittany was right.

As they worked a little on the vocals and choreography, Rachel watched her friend's bestie look more alive and happy than ever before. It was then that she knew that she made the right decision. Everybody started getting really involved in the process but Rachel couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing or rather someone. Staring at the door, the tiny brunette waited in vain for the final missing member of New Directions.

The song would've sounded even better if a quartette had lead vocals.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: hope this was worth the wait. I had to add the customary Puckleberry bromance that is a staple to Faberry fics everywhere. The Britberry friendship was planned as well. If you've read my other story "This Was Supposed to Be Our Year," their friendship has already been mentioned. But now you know how it began. (Actually it began in my head as Brittany sang "My Strongest Suit" to Rachel while teaching her how to dress fashionably.)<strong>

**Anyways next chapter will be Quinn-centric again. I'm actually running out of Quinn chapter titles so if you have any suggestions feel free to leave some. **


	6. Quinnconclusive & Confusing Conversation

**So this chapter took awhile to get started… ****It was a bit tough to get back into Quinn's angst so that is one more contributing factor to this delay.**

**It's going to get further from canon from here on out but there is a lot of dialogue from The Purple Piano Project.**

**This chapter is part one of two. I already have most of that chapter planned out so hopefully that will come out soon. Also if you guys have read my other fic "This Was Supposed to Be Our Year," you'll notice the exact same confrontation with Santana from chapter four of that story. As I mentioned before these two are in the same universe.**

**Not my best chapter thus far but I hope you enjoy nevertheless.**

**STANDARD DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the spelling and grammar mistakes. (For which I apologize sincerely)**

* * *

><p>Quinnconclusive and Confusing Conversations<p>

Part 1 (of 2)

* * *

><p>She can't see the landscape anymore<br>It's all painted in her grief  
>All of her history etched out at her feet<p>

Now all of the landscape, it's just an empty place  
>Acres of longing, mountains of tenderness<p>

Cause she's just like the weather, can't hold her together  
>Born from dark water, daughter of the rain and snow<br>Cause it's burning through the bloodline  
>It's cutting down the family tree<br>Growing in the landscape, darling, in between you and me

- "Landscape" by Florence + the Machine

* * *

><p>"<em>Quinn look this is our senior year, and frankly Cheerios isn't the same without you."<em>

She knew it was only going to be a matter of time before Santana and Brittany would try to get her back into the fold. The Unholy Trinity, the Three Amigos, the Three Hot Bitches (Santana's suggestion obviously); they were best friends since their first cheer camp together, but that relationship changed over the course of their time at McKinley. Like any high school friendship, theirs was a story of back-stabbing, cheating and drama but by the beginning of the summer, it seemed that they had made it through. Quinn couldn't help but wonder she would have been different, had the two girls stayed in Lima with her for the last half of the summer.

"_Come on Quinn we used to be like the Three Musketeers. Now me and Santana are like Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in the ashtray."_

Then she thought back to what she did to Santana, just so that she could get be the Head Cheerio again. They just didn't understand the pressure she used to feel when she actually cared. Facing the cheerleaders in front of her, Quinn shook her head trying to get the thoughts of 'what if' out of her mind. She couldn't change who she was or who she would become. It was inevitable.

"_Come on Quinn you can't break up the Unholy Trinity."_

It was better this way. They were better off this way, without Quinn. So even if Quinn became one of them again, Brittany was eventually going to change the dancing world outside of Lima and Santana would never let her do it alone. Where would that leave the last third of the Unholy Trinity?

"_People grow apart. Deal with it. I've got new friends now and they accept me for who I am."_

The future wife of a deadbeat Lima Loser stuck in this town with no friends, no dreams and no way out.

She ignored the part of her that was affected by Brittany's damnable pout. Her wide-eyed innocence was almost as unbearably bright as Rachel's forgiving heart and endless hope. They would be fine without her, Quinn was sure of it. Brittany had Santana to protect her and vice versa. All they really needed was each other.

Nobody needed Quinn.

* * *

><p>Quinn had just left her two former friends to join her fellow Skanks, fully intent on drowning out the conversation she just had. Leaning her unlit cigarette to Ronnie's proffered lighter; Quinn was interrupted by an unwelcome intruder.<p>

_"Hey Quinn,"_ Rachel noticed the other girls and greeted them as well, _"Hello... Skanks"_

No sunglasses to protect herself from Berry's 'psychic powers' now.

She half expected Finn or Mr. Schue to try and get her back on glee. Quinn should have known better, especially after their meeting before the end of summer. Rachel never knew when to give up. Why did she have to pull that on Quinn?_  
><em>

Ronnie put her lighter away and faced the intruder with an intimidating glare. _"Your friend stinks of soap Quinn._"

_"We were friends once, okay. And maybe when you cut off all your hair last year I thought it would have solved all your problems, I should have spoken up…"_

Why did Rachel think that she could've done something about Quinn's transformation? It wasn't her fault.

"…_Maybe when you dropped out of society this summer and started dating that forty year old skateboarder I should have said..."_

_"I'm not coming back to glee club."_Quinn interrupted forcefully, repeating what she had told her weeks ago. She didn't want to hear anymore of Rachel's should have's and have not's. It was too late to help.

"_We need you! O-okay, have you seen those purple pianos round school? We're planning this big recruiting number a-and it's gonna be a tribute to the Go-Go's, I-I mean who doesn't love the Go-Go's?_" Rachel continued which irked Quinn and added the pangs of pain to her own traitorous heart.

"_I prefer the Bangles_." Quinn was grateful for Sheila's quiet yet slightly terrifying interruption, hoping it was enough to scare the annoyingly determined brunette away.

"_Okay_," Rachel nodded with a mix of hesitance and fear, but to Quinn's displeasure, she had no intent in stopping, "_We need your tremulous alto and Belinda Carlisle glamour_." The brunette gave a genuinely bright smile that pulled at her and this time Quinn was defenceless against its shine. Quinn felt an involuntary smile grace her face at Rachel's praise. Did she even know how much that smile affected her?

_"I'll give you ten bucks if you let me beat her up for you, Quinn," _Mack offered, effectively breaking the spell over the entranced Skank.

"_I'm sorry you're so sad Quinn. Maybe you're not going to believe me because we were never really that close but I'm sad not seeing you in the choir room…" _

Quinn had to look away, Rachel's confession held a weight on the former blonde that made it impossible for her to look the shorter girl in the eyes and not give in.

"…_And we've all been through so much together, we're a family! And this is our year to get it right. We would love to have you back in the glee club whenever you're ready. Okay_?"

And then she was gone before Quinn could get in a word. What would she even say? Why did Quinn even want to say something to Berry?

And more importantly… why did a part of her want Rachel to stay?

* * *

><p>The Skanks had spent the remainder of the day defacing bathroom stalls. It was then that Quinn realized that her activities were still quite similar to her HBIC days from before glee club. She still made fun of losers and she was still feared by the McKinley school population. She also still made lewd drawings on bathroom stalls. Before it was all about power now… Now it was just something to pass the void of time.<p>

"So Quinn, How long have ya had that lady boner for Berry?"

Mack's abrupt question sent Quinn reeling in the depths of her mind. What the fuck?

She didn-

…She could NEV-

It was Rachel! How was it even possible?

"Wh-what the hell are you talking about Mack?" Quinn growled out threateningly.

Mack leaned against the stall casually, unfazed by the other girl's menacing tone, "Okay first off? How many times do I gotta tell you? It's 'THE Mack,' with a capital THE. And come ON! I didn't have to see your eyes to see that you guys were fucking each other with the looks."

Sheila and Ronnie snickered from the other stall and Quinn was stunned. Why was this affecting her so much?

"I thought there was a rule against talking about feelings, THE Mack."

The Mack's eyebrows shot up and she whistled, "Oh this is just precious. Feelings? Quinn I just thought you wanted to fuck her sideways…"

Laughter rang out and Quinn bristled. "FUCK YOU! I don't want ANYTHING to do with Berry okay? And you don't know fucking shit about what I'm feeling."

Ronnie broke up the escalating fight, "Hey! Chill guys. Q's right we don't ask questions about emotional shit, so leave it Mack. Let's just go out for a smoke and steal some shit from the school shed."

The short-tempered brunette backed off, grumbling something about 'the' but Quinn paid no attention. She didn't care about Rachel Berry. She couldn't. She wasn't even…

As much as she tried to rid her mind of feelings and feelings for Rachel, they wouldn't go away; plaguing her just like Rachel Berry did in real life.

The problem was exactly like real life too because Quinn wasn't exactly sure that she minded the thoughts that were plaguing her.

* * *

><p>The next day Quinn could hear the music in the cafeteria from the halls and almost ran to see her former club members perform… to see her sing. Thankfully the presence of her fellow Skanks forced her to keep her calm and rooted to their spot.<p>

Sheila noticed the music too and grumbled, "Pfft, the Bangles are still better."

Nobody else said anything after that and Quinn was secretly grateful for the chance to listen in, even from a distance. Rachel was of course singing lead but Quinn was surprised when she heard Santana take the second verse followed by Brittany's solo in the third. They sounded amazing but it left Quinn feeling even more alone as her two former best friends sang in harmony with Rachel.

The song ended and the Skanks listened as the performance turned into shrieks. They saw the students run out covered in food and drew their own conclusion. "Ugh so much food wasted thanks to those gleeks."

The halls began to crowd with food-covered kids, forcing the Skanks to retreat to another place to skip classes. Quinn looked back to see a distraught Rachel head over to the rest room with Kurt, Mercedes and Tina. It was as if something was pulling at the pink-haired girl to go over to Rachel but she squashed the feeling down. Rachel had friends, she had Brittany and Santana now and most importantly she had Finn to make everything better. What could Quinn possibly have to offer?

Shortly after Santana stormed out of the cafeteria and was followed by a slipping and sliding Brittany. Quinn could guess why the feisty cheerleader was so fired up. Santana was hoping that the Cheerio's uniform would bring back the invulnerability they all took comfort in before. She could see it on the Co-Captain's face something was going to break soon and just knew it had something to do with Santana's better half. Brittany left the bathroom first passing a couple of Cheerio's who headed to the restroom where Santana was cleaning up. Before Quinn fully realized what she was doing, she was on her way to the bathroom with the Skanks; with the intent to stop whatever was going to go down.

Quinn was greeted with the sight of Santana viciously attacking another Cheerio on the floor. They stopped in fear when the Skanks walked in.

Sheila glanced at Quinn before yelling at the Cheerios. "This here bathroom belongs to the Skanks now. You CheeriHoes need to leave… NOW."

The bark was enough to get the four Cheerios who had cornered Santana, running out as fast as their matching white sneakers could take them. Quinn saw Santana's ire and knew it was because she knew that her ass had just been saved. She signaled the Skanks to leave her and guard the entrance, leaving the two former friends alone.

They stood in complete silence until Quinn pulled out a drag and lit it up. Taking a puff for a couple of seconds, she exhaled and then fixed her gaze back at the other girl. "You know the Coach hates blood on her uniforms."

"Yeah? Like you give a fuck about me or those stupid bitches," she snapped back.

Quinn raised an eyebrow, fully knowing that it would just piss the brunette off even more. That was what she was hoping for.

"What the hell do you want from me Q?"

The only response that Quinn gave her was another puff of smoke.

Quinn finally addressed the girl again before she could storm out in exasperation. "How do _you _expect to be Head Bitch in Charge with that _pathetic_ excuse for leadership S?" She knew she was acting a hell of a lot like Sue Sylvester, but Quinn also knew that was the only way to get the stubborn bitch to listen. "You're going to have to do better than that to prove to everyone that you can still lead like the Satan I know you can be."

"Why do you all of a sudden care about how I rule the school?" Santana yelled, "Didn't we 'grow apart?' If you don't want to hang out why are you still bothering me?"

"Why do you want to rule the school S?" Quinn questioned apathetically, knowing full well that answering the girl's questions with another question would infuriate her even more, getting her one step closer to breaking.

"So everybody will FEAR me again. My rep has suffered and since I quit the Cheerios, I got dirt in my locker, a slushee in the face AND I lost a fight against Zizes."

Not good enough.

"Why do _you_ want to rule the school Santana?"

Santana tensed even more before breathing out. Then she looked Quinn right in the eyes and smirked. "I just want to prevent myself from falling in your swollen footsteps. I mean if you were more worried about ruling the school and less about your unfaithful ass of a boytoy you wouldn't have gotten preggers with Puck's lizard spawn."

Quinn felt all the air rush out of her at the insensitive reminder of Beth, but she wouldn't let herself think about her now. Seeing the look on Santana's face told her that the brunette instantly regretted opening her mouth and Quinn used that to her advantage. Advancing much like a predator stalking its prey, she backed the Cheerio against the wall.

"Why do you _need_ to be the HBIC again _Lopez_?"

And just like that, Santana cracked like Humpty Dumpty.

"_BRITTANY!_" she sobbed out, "I have to do this for Brittany, I have to have everybody scared shit of me. I have to make sure that shit at lunch doesn't happen again. I have to protect her, I have to make sure she stays on the Cheerios _and_ glee for scholarships and dumb shit like that; _I have to be the strong one_. _IT'S ALL FOR HER._"

It wasn't too long ago that the shoe was on the other foot, and the former blonde was the one having the breakdown. Quinn remembered how S and B were there for her back then. Back when she thought her biggest problem was Finn ruining everything for her and she only thought of revenge. She thought that was the end of the world but they brought her back. She grabbed a roll of toilet paper from one of the stalls and hurled it at Santana's head. The girl looked up and cracked a small but genuine smile.

"I heard Berry talking to Mercedes earlier," Quinn started, realizing that she couldn't just leave S without some backup. She owed her that much. And as much as Quinn tried to deny it, she still cared deeply for her two best friends.

"What do the Dwarf and Wheezy have to do with anything Q?" The bite in Santana's bark not as convincing as she was using toilet paper to clean up the teary mess that was her face.

"Kurt's Warbler boy is transferring to McKinley and is bringing his usual sing and dance routine. They're planning to surprise Kurt and to get in an extra recruiting number."

"What's the point Emo-Barbie?" Santana was standing now, looking in the mirror but occasionally looked back at Quinn, curious as to where the conversation was heading.

"The point is there is going to be a Purple Piano and a chance to destroy it while proving you still got the juice to be HBIC of the Cheerios." She saw the brunette perk up and smirked. It wasn't like Quinn to make it easy for Santana after all. "That is _if_ you want my help."

Santana's eyes widened then narrowed into slits, she knew exactly what it was that Quinn was expecting. Surprisingly, the Cheerio co-captain looked her in the eyes and dropped her walls.

"_Please_ Q, I _need _your help."

Getting Santana to ask for help was like prying a Tony award away from Rachel but it was for Brittany and San would do anything for her.

Quinn shrugged and put out her cigarette. "Okay, here's what I had in mind…"

* * *

><p>They had spent the afternoon after Santana went to glee, going over the plan. Neither girl would ever admit it but both of them had missed the other's company.<p>

Quinn had just gotten home from Santana's place and was looking forward to a night in. Before she could head upstairs however, somebody knocked on the door.

Opening it to tell off the late intruder, Quinn was surprised when she saw a brightly smiling Rachel Berry on the other side of the door. Did she not know when to give up?

"Hi Quinn!"

"What the fuck Hobbit? Don't you have some Jolly Dim Giant to bone or some ring to destroy?"

Rachel blinked at Quinn's insulting greeting but was all together unfazed, "Wow Quinn, you've never sounded more like Santana then you just did. I take it you're enjoying your time in Lima Heights Adjacent?"

"Shut up!" Quinn reddened when she realized that she did in fact say something very Santana-like. "Seriously Ra-Berry. What will it take for you to leave me the fuck alone?"

"Nothing will make me give up on you Quinn." The brunette replied seriously.

No matter how much she wanted to deny it, Quinn's heart skipped a beat. She'd seen and heard variations of that line in films, television shows and books. Yet no one in her life had ever said those words to her with such determined sincerity. Her heart skipping a beat didn't stop her brain from reacting defensively. It hurt Quinn to listen every time Rachel tried to cheer her up with inspirational words and it hurt just as much to keep pushing the bright-eyed girl away. What Quinn thought of as the logical of her brain, reminded Quinn that the pain she had felt now would be nothing compared to actually letting the girl's words lift her up only to be dropped moments later.

"Why not Berry? Huh? We're not friends, we never were. I'm not on glee anymore and I'm not going back. Why do you keep doing this?" Quinn was on the verge of being hysterical.

"Because even though you don't believe in you I still do. You're not hopeless." Rachel stepped closer to Quinn, the girl's silence encouraging her to continue, "I meant what I said last year. You're the prettiest girl I've ever met but you're just as, if not more beautiful on the inside. You've got so much more to offer than this and this miserable future you put out for yourself. I just need you to see that."

Quinn was struck by Rachel's words. They held such care and genuineness that had she heard them months ago, Skank! Quinn wouldn't have existed. Feeling her face heat up with a blush she dropped the shorter girls gaze.

"I'm going to give you a hug now okay?"

She had no chance to protest before Quinn found herself engulfed in Rachel's arms. She sighed at the comfort they offered and suddenly it was as if a light flickered on and Quinn just noticed that she was up to her neck in quicksand.

Quinn had feelings for Rachel Berry.


	7. One Step Forward A Billion Steps Back

**AN: Gah! I'm so, so sorry readers! I love this story so much but when the show went even more downhill with all the Finchel I just lost sight of all the things that I wanted to change. There's just so much bad...**

**Also, university has kept me from all of my stories. I had two essays due last week and one more due next tuesday T^T. I'm trying to get all of my fics updated this week, but if that doesn't happen I'll try for next week. **

**Anyways I hope this makes up at least a little bit for my unplanned hiatus. If you guys read my last update for Gotham City Secret Origins then you know about my newest AU project. Well it's evolved quite a bit and turned into two separate fics. **

**One has genderswapped Rachel - Ray Berry who falls for Head Cheerio Quinn Fabray. **

**The other features genderswapped Quinn with Rachel. **

**Once I'm finished with both first chapters I'll post them up and you guys can check out which ones you like. I'll need some help with feedback for those fics so keep a lookout!**

**As always feedback for this fic is always appreciated! If you can leave a review to let me know what you think!**

* * *

><p>Quinnconclusive and Confusing Conversations<p>

Part 2 (of 2)

She wants the silence but fears the solitude  
>She wants to be alone and together with you<br>So she ran to the lighthouse, hoped that it would help her see  
>She saw that the lighthouse had been washed out to sea<p>

Cause she's just like the weather, can't hold her together  
>Born from dark water, daughter of the rain and snow<br>Cause it's burning through the bloodline  
>It's cutting down the family tree<br>Growing in the landscape, darling, in between you and me

- "Landscape" by Florence + the Machine

* * *

><p>Rachel had left after an awkward silence followed their intimate hug. Quinn had spent the next few hours after that wandering, trying to wrap her head around her new realization. Feelings for that- that… How could she have allowed this to happen?<p>

Eventually she made it to the church her family used to go to every Sunday. They had renovated since last time she was here. Quinn hadn't gone since her father kicked her out of the house and was too embarrassed to go back. Before the pregnancy, and throughout most of her life, she was very spiritual. Church was never a chore it was a sanctuary. When she felt horrible as Lucy, when she was horrible as Quinn, having her weekly talks with God was one of her saving graces.

Walking up to the doors, she half expected to be struck down by lightening but it was thankfully empty. She didn't know how long she spent looking for answers on the sculpted face of Jesus Christ but the silence eventually got to her.

"I get it, okay?" Quinn looked up, whispering in the empty church. "I didn't like what you gave me so when I used my purchased looks for sex I got pregnant. I wanted to get back to normal and used my ex-boyfriend to cheat on Sam and you gave me mono. I GET IT! I DESERVE WHATEVER PUNISHMENT YOU GIVE ME!" Quinn yelled out the last part in anger at the statue in front of her then collapsed against the pew sobbing.

"Just please, _please_ stop sending her to me whenever I need her most. You know I don't deserve that. I don't deserve her smile or… or her never-ending faith in what she thinks I can be. So please stop torturing me with it when You know that it's hopeless. When I'm hopeless. I don't deserve a second chance with her."

"Everybody deserves a second chance. Even crazy people yelling in church."

Quinn cringed, expecting it to be Father Erikson but was surprised to see a young man garbed in priestly clothing. It was a relief that this guy didn't throw her out. "And you are?"

"A great listener?" He joked in an awkward attempt to ease the tension.

"Whatever," Quinn spat out and she turned to leave, "I'm out of here."

"Wait! Are you sure you don't need someone to talk to?"

"And have you judge me for every single mistake I made? No thanks, not interested."

He couldn't run to catch up with the troubled girl but just called out to her, "I'll be here whenever you're ready."

The familiar words echoed in her mind and halted her escape; they were Rachel's words. Would Quinn ever be ready? What would she be ready for?

The eye make-up that smeared when she cried began to burn her eyes and she turned back to Greg. "How much time do you have?"

* * *

><p>She spent hours in that church talking to a random stranger about her problems. It was like verbal diarrhoea, as disturbing as that imagine was. But Greg, the Priest-in-Training did nothing but listen. It was nice, to have someone listen just because he cared. Someone who knew nothing about her. Someone who wasn't paid to make her head less crazy. It was just what she needed.<p>

But it didn't quite change anything in her world.

Still, Quinn struggled with what to do next. It was the day of Santana's Project: Light that Purple Shit Up, (God, only Santana would come up with that), and now she faced a dilemma. Coming to terms with her feelings for Rachel made Quinn realize that she was just going to disappoint her yet again.

The words that Greg said to her the previous night came back to her as she stepped into the quad with her Skanks.

"_It's a process Quinn, people can't just change overnight. If you want to really give it a shot then you'll have to start with a first step and that is always the hardest to make."_

She felt that stepping forward to be friends with Brittany and Santana again meant taking a billion steps back with Rachel. But she did promise. It was something of a blessing that, as self-centred and ambitiously ruthless as the aspiring Broadway scare was, she was also equally forgiving.

It was too late now anyway, she promised the Skanks a chance for pyrotechnical mayhem, and she promised Santana that she would help her with Brittany and the Cheerio's. As they took their seats on the steps to wait for her cue, Quinn prayed for the first time in God only knows how long that Rachel would indeed forgive her.

She caught a glance of Rachel after her part of the spectacle and the looks of horror and disappointment had left room for a lot of doubt in her mind.

The Skanks, after having their dose of causing a shit storm on school grounds, had decided to skip the rest of the day.

"Yo Quinn. You coming or what? Paulie's in town and should be able to get us some really good stuff."

"No, you guys go ahead I've got shit to do."

If Quinn didn't know any better, she would have thought that she saw a hint of concern flash in Mack's eyes but it quickly went away with a customary eye roll, "Whatever."

Once they left, Quinn wandered the halls trying to find a way to take the first of a thousand steps towards some sort of change. Then she heard Santana and Brittany in the near distance and smiled. Santana made her stand as Sue's Number One, she held a grip on the school hierarchy that Quinn needed… and it just so happened that the school's top bitch owed _her _a favour.

As was before, when they were the Unholy Trinity, Quinn forgot that when the two were alone, Santana and Brittany would most likely be all over each other. "God do you guys always have to be humping like rabbits in heat?"

Santana swore into Brittany's neck, and Quinn smiled at the chance to give the girl a hard time.

"Jesus Quinn, do _you_ always have to be such a fucking cock-block?" Santana snapped angrily, "Puta."

Quinn gave a mocking pout, always one to relish her friend's torment, "Aww San. I'm hurt, only 'cause you should be used to being cock-blocked by now. How many times was I traumatized by your sexy times with B when I was captain? I saved your asses every time before any of the others saw too." She shivered at the horrible memories. Who wanted to see their best friends go at it everywhere?

"Please, you know you loved it and our fines asses, bitch," was Santana's biting retort as she fixed her skirt, "Now what do you want Q?"

"You ow-" Quinn began to answer but was interrupted by Brittany who gave her a bone-cracking hug.

"Q! I knew you still loved us! I thought you kind of hated us now 'cause you blew us off the other day but then you helped S start the purple piano bonfire and it was so cool. I didn't know you could be so badass! Did you like the dance? I made up the whole routine. It was totally hot."

Quinn's hardened face melted at Brittany's infamous cuddle hugs. It was like being hit by a truck full of rainbows, teddy bears and bacon… everything good in the world. You can't say anything bad or hurtful against that. It was blasphemous.

"It was awesome B. You're a genius, _nobody_ could have made that routine as hot as you did."

Brittany let go of her death-grip on the girl and beamed at the praise, but Quinn knew that the taller blonde was expecting another answer as well.

"I still love you guys…" Santana did a double take at the confession but Quinn continued on nonplussed, "and I'm sorry for what I said the other day. I… I didn't really mean it. I'm just really fucked up right now." She looked down ashamed and lost, wringing her hands to contain her nervousness.

"What the fuck happened to you Q?" Santana questioned, feeling that getting straight to the shit of the matter was the best course. "Is it your dad? Did your mom take his man-whorish ass back? I can totally go all Lima Heights on the both of them."

Quinn stopped the fiery HBIC and gave a weak, forced smile, "No, no. As far as I know, Russell is in L.A. or something with his secretary and he had a trip to Europe during the summer. No, umm," the girl nervously gulped, "My mom took us to a bunch of places but we ended up in Boston… so Frannie happened and she was crazy. My aunts were there too. It was just a really bad week. I'm surprised _I _didn't go all Lima Heights on them." The light joke fell flat considering the visit caused such an extreme change in Quinn.

By mentioning Frannie's name, she knew that Santana would get it. Her former best friends' last meeting with her sister was a disaster considering they were having sexy times in Frannie's room. The older Fabray sister freaked out at the discovery and never wanted them even close to the house when she came to town, especially when she came with her baby.

Brittany looked at Quinn with sad eyes, "What did she say to you Q? Why did she make you so sad?"

"I don't know, just made me realize I couldn't keep pretending things would just be the same as before. I'm damaged, going back isn't an option anymore."

"Yeah, yeah your sister is a fucking bitch we know that. You know that. Let's move on to why you're here cuz I don't wants to be talking about Bratty Frannie when I could be getting my mack on with Britts."

The bluntness was enough to bring Quinn out of her funk and she chuckled before remembering why she was there in the first place.

"No more slushee attacks on Berry." The request would bring about questions, but Quinn had to do what she could. One step at a time.

"You honestly think I would do that for you?"

Cue eyebrow raise. "Well, considering I just helped you secure your place as head bitch at this school, yeah I think you would."

The brunette was ready to bitch back when Brittany entered the conversation again, "Yeah S, I don't want Rach to be slusheed anymore either."

"What?" Santana looked faint and Quinn was surprised by Brittany's defense of the glee co-captain.

"It's like I said last year San. Glee is our family and I love them." Quinn shifted her gaze, but only Santana noticed. "And in glee club, Rach is our captain. So that would like, make her the Dad, or the Mom in the family and they can't get slusheed, you know? It wouldn't be right. Oh and she's my English tutor now so I think it would be Beneful for me to help stop the violence. She's really not that irritable once she's wearing normal clothes. Besides she said I could totes help her dress awesome after I get better in English."

"B, I think you mean beneficial."

"Oh yeah, that."

Quinn smiled inwardly, knowing that once Brittany asked, Santana would never say no. "Fine slushee facials stop on Berry. Satisfied?"

Brittany gave a wide grin in approval and Quinn nodded taking that as her cue to leave.

"Don't think this will get you out of explaining this insanity LesbiQuinn!"

Quinn froze for a split second at the insult but didn't turn around. With a flip of the bird and a "FUCK YOU!" she left the school.

She needed to plan her next step.

* * *

><p>If people were to watch the hallway where the choir room resided, they would have seen a strange head of pink walk past the doors every five minutes.<p>

Could it be time to go back?

Every quick walk she made by the door was a window view to a past life. At least that's what it felt like.

The first glimpse was of the girl that everyone envied and loved. The stereotypical head cheerleader with words that cut like a blade on hot butter. The one that hated being in glee. She would have never admitted to liking the club or singing and dancing with losers. One loser in particular.

The second pass by the door window had the view of the scared little girl with a slight and concealable baby bump. Some days she could pretend it wasn't there and then she'd take a whiff of her boyfriend's gross man-smell and she was reminded again. It was present in the 3rd floor bathroom stall that nobody went to. It was there when that same loser confronted her about the issue and had the nerve to comfort her, offering safe haven in the choir room.

She was right. And as the bump grew bigger so did Quinn's formerly walled-up heart. The cheerleader faded away and there was the walking statistic of teen pregnancy.

Quinn remembered some days were good, and others not so much.

The hot/not list was an embarrassing addition to Quinn's own list of shame. Looking back, she could blame Rachel for starting it. Back then, her crazy pregnant hormonal self was jealous of Rachel Berry for having a boyfriend that genuinely cared about her. Puck was hardly the boyfriend of the year.

Now that Quinn thought about it, the glist was just another instance of her excuse. She didn't _like_ Rachel Berry, she was jealous of her boyfriend.

Quinn stealthily went by the door again, thinking about her semi-psychotic junior year. Losing Beth was too much to think about and talking to Rachel that summer was too close to what she was unknowingly afraid to face. As soon as the year started she viciously hid the heart that grew. The one that felt too much of…. something for a loser that was destined to get out of this small, soul-sucking town. Taking back her former place on the McKinley pyramid, she betrayed and pushed away Santana. In a way it was another plan to protect herself. Santana loved Brittany but would never do anything about it because she was scared.

At the time, Quinn had no idea why Santana's 'secret love' was unsettling to her.

Now she just laughed at her own stupidity.

She just knew that being the stereotypical head-cheerleader and prom queen was the most she'd get in life. This was where she had control. She would be the person she was before, because the person that came after Beth was… depressed, self-loathing and emptier than ever before.

The cheerleading uniform just helped to hide it better.

And without it, she managed to get back the quarterback boyfriend that she knew would be stuck here with her. It helped that she managed to steal him away from Rachel.

And then everything fell apart again.

Passing by another window, Quinn saw the broken reflection of herself. The brief light of hope she had during the summer was eclipsed forever and now all that was left was this… Skank. She wasn't supposed to care anymore.

She knew she was destined for this town. Her family didn't care either way. She would never live up to Frannie's idyllic life. There was no room for the Celibacy club cheerleader turned lesbian teen mom and she embraced her fall from grace.

Everything was fine, she had been at least partly ignorant to the forbidden adoration she held for Rachel. The one that now revealed, made almost every action, every mistake, make sense. She was so desperate to not face anything, her father's abandonment, Rachel, Beth, that it was easier to feel nothing.

Did she want to change?

Did she want to try?

Everything was so fragile.

The last round towards the choir room was stopped by Santana's rush out. Quinn could briefly see tears fall from the girl's face. Tears she knew, nobody in that room had seen and would never see.

It was surprising to hear that Santana was kicked out of New Directions for what Quinn had done. Fortunately for her, Sue still secretly loved her because she started the fire of the 'political protest' against the arts.

She came out of the situation without a single detention.

Her stomach plummeted. Mr. Schue forgave everyone. If he finally got a pair then there was no way that he would let her back. No matter what Rachel believed.

Everything was so fragile, and Quinn was already broken.

Why cut yourself by stepping on the fragments of glass already there?

So Quinn didn't pass the choir room again, she turned the other way. The Skanks were probably back under the bleachers.

She didn't see the hopeful brunette look anxiously from within the choir room only to be disappointed by the absence of blurring pink passing the door.

* * *

><p>Mack relentlessly teased Quinn when she was adamant about never missing her English and History classes. Ronnie made comments whenever their newest member brought out her trusty Whitman or Fitzgerald. Sheila always thought that it made the rest of them look bad. If somebody outside the Skanks saw that Quinn was still a smartass bitch, they might not be so scared.<p>

Quinn didn't care. She would be the Lima loser that she was expected to be, but she would never give up her love of books.

It was now her only comfort in a world of disappointment.

So despite the descent into the Skanks, it wasn't all too surprising that Quinn was at the school library. Regardless of any acts of delinquency she took part in, the librarian still had Quinn on the list of favourite students; AKA the list of people that actually respected the library, the books and the rules.

She had just finished exchanging Faulkner for Hemingway and was on her way out when she heard the familiar voices ring out from the auditorium.

Don't go there. It will hurt too much.

But like the time when she was disgracefully kicked out of the Cheerio's, Quinn was a glutton for that pain. It couldn't hurt more than her original fall from grace, could it?

* * *

><p><em>You can't stop an avalanche as it races down a hill…<em>

_You can try to stop the seasons, but you know you never will._

Rachel's voice filled the auditorium with the quiet strength that was at times, even more powerful than any of the "big notes" that she often fought over with Mercedes; and Quinn found that she couldn't have been more wrong.

_And you can try to stop my dancing feet but I just cannot stand still_

This cut more deeply than her Cheerio's exile ever did.

_Cause the world is spinning round and round_

_And my heart's keeping time to the speed of sound_

_I was lost 'til I heard the drums then I found my way_

_Cause you can't stop the beat…_

She distantly remembered the first time she crept upon the stage balconies; high pony, Cheerio's uniform and perfectly executed scowl. Just like Coach taught her. The song, obviously Rachel's choice because of the Broadway feel, was the embodiment of everything she resented about the bright-eyed Broadway hopeful.

No matter what Quinn Fabray did to hurt and break that girl, Rachel Berry wouldn't give. She wouldn't break. She was everything that Lucy wasn't and she loved to hate her because of it.

She hated to love her because of it.

Spotting Santana on the other side of the stage balcony, she gave a nod of understanding. The newest New Direction exile was looking on as enviously as Quinn was. She could only guess that Santana was wishing she were dancing with Brittany by the lovelorn expression on her face.

Their friendship was never the best and as much as Quinn understood the bitchy exterior that Santana fronted, having had the exact same wall, their likeness was always in the way of becoming true friends.

Santana was always scared of how much they were alike. Maybe that was why support was so scarce during Quinn's pregnancy. It could have just likely have been her that got pregnant.

Maybe Santana saw the deepest part of Quinn that had always had a fascination with Rachel Berry.

Quinn reverted her attention back to the performance. It didn't matter now. If anything, her friendship with Santana was the only thing to stay standing in her self-destructed life.

When she looked up again, Santana had left; probably to go meet Brittany because practice had ended.

About to leave the balcony herself, Quinn noticed Rachel staying behind.

"It's okay Brad if you don't mind I think I'll just practice by myself. NYADA is calling my name and it won't do to go into the year unprepared."

Quinn hid a snicker; of course Rachel Berry would extend the first official rehearsal of the year for herself.

Not that Quinn minded.

She sighed, letting Rachel's dulcet tones wash over her. No words just warm-up vocal practices. Still, it was one of the most amazing sounds in the world.

It was a surprise when the single notes of the scale for warm-ups turned into a slightly unfamiliar tune.

_I'll hold your hand when you are feeling mad at me_

_When the monsters they won't go away, the windows won't close _

_I'll pretend to see what you see_

The lyrics were familiar. Quinn remembered that the song was usually played with an upbeat tempo. The slow piano accompaniment along with Rachel's voice laced with melancholia quickly brought tears to Quinn's eyes. Was this… for her?

_How long, I say how long_

_Will you relive the things that are gone?_

_The devil's on your back but I know you can shake him off_

_And everyday that you wanna waste, that you wanna waste_

_You can_

_And everyday that you wanna wake up that you wanna wake_

_You can_

_And everyday that you wanna change, that you wanna change_

_You can_

_I'll help you see it through _

_Cause I just really wanna be with you_

It was then that Rachel looked up into the balcony, beyond the faint stage lights. Into Quinn's soul.

How did Rachel know she was here?

Feeling the mess of tears and makeup running down her face and finally noticing the ugly sobs that were coming from her mouth, Quinn realized that Rachel didn't know until now.

She paused as the chorus came to an end, pleasant surprise still gracing her face. Their eyes met and Quinn saw her shake her head before going on with the song.

_You know it's funny how freedom can make us feel contained_

_Yeah, when the muscles in your legs aren't used to all this walking_

_I know if you could snap both your fingers than you'd escape with me_

_But in the meantime I'll just wait here and listen to you while you speak or scream_

Quinn could feel her head and her heart screaming at her. Rachel was once again the only person in the world to understand Quinn for more than what she showed in front of others.

She understood that Quinn was lost.

She's giving Quinn the time to figure it out… if that was even possible.

Her heart was crying out to the girl singing just for her, desperate to reach out for the dream she never knew she had.

Her head was ringing the alarms to ward against the tiny brunette with a heart of gold. It wasn't worth the pain to let her in.

Quinn felt her heart argue. 'No matter what you do to keep her away, to make her hate you… she never does. She never leaves you. Why can't you trust that?'

The song was over, Rachel had rearranged the ending so the last notes repeated "_The devil's on your back, but I know you can shake it off…" _

It was directed straight at Quinn and she could no longer ignore the heart she tried so desperately to hide.

They were still staring at each other. Neither one of them noticed an intruder until it was too late.

"Hey, Rach! You ready to go?"

Quinn's stomach dropped, possibly into the sub-basement. It was so easy to forget. But now there was a big, clumsy giant of a reminder as to why her head won over her heart.

Rachel broke the gaze and gave the obligatory kiss in greeting to her boyfriend.

"I'll be ready soon, Finn. You do know it's crucial for me to maintain my usual post-glee vocal routine."

The closeness between the couple was more than Quinn could take. She wouldn't stand there as they made out. There was only so much pain she could willingly take.

It wasn't worth it.

Quinn wasn't worth it.

Finn's voice echoed once more. Questioning Quinn's ability to feel.

Shoving all the tears, the heartbreak into the dark recesses of her being, Quinn went into the girl's restroom to fix her makeup.

She ignored her heart's desire to have Rachel sweeping in once again, begging her to come back, telling Quinn that she cared.

She ignored the disappointment when Rachel didn't.

Her eyes once again framed in darkness to distract the red, Quinn strode out to the halls. Apathy bled with false airs of confidence as the stragglers still in the halls after school practically dove out her way.

One step forward, a billion steps back.

* * *

><p><strong>This goes out to everyone who has reviewed, favourited, story alerted this fic. <strong>

**Shout out to withabrandnewname who I just discovered on both FF and tumblr. Thanks so much for recommending my fic and I love your glee movie posters! :)**


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